I quit flight school.
I quit right as I was preparing for my checkride (the FAA practical test). Why would I do such a thing when I'm so close?
GM! đ¤đ§âď¸
Been off Nostr a few weeks and wanted to come back to share this story. It's very long (TLDR at the end).
I started school April 2022 to overcome a fear. I didn't realize just how strong that fear was until I sat inside a Cessna 172. I couldn't relax my grip on the yoke those first few months. I ended each class drenched in sweat (summer months didn't help), and I would wake up every morning asking, "Why am I doing this?"
But I didn't stop. I spent the next few months doing ground school, and flying 3-4 times per week. I learned the systems of a plane, why it stalls, how to deal with emergencies in the air, airspace, talking on the radio, etc.
My instructor and I vibed well from Day 1. Instructors and students are putting their lives in each other's hands, and you develop a bond through that experience. He was especially good at helping me understand things when the traditional learning method wasn't working.
By July I was starting to relax a bit--just in time to start landing practice. Two hour sessions, 3x/week, doing 7-8 touch-and go's at a busy Class D airport during the hot summer was one of the most mentally draining things I've ever experienced. Pattern work is the highest workload you experience as a pilot. It's where most aviation accidents happen.
I almost killed us a couple times. No bullshit, I straight up mentally lagged a few times and it would have been bad if my instructor wasn't quick. The only reason I kept sticking with it is because I wanted to land that fucking plane! All I could think about was landings. I dreamt of landing, I'd watch landing videos. It consumed me.
One day, after a couple weeks of this, my instructor decided we wouldn't be doing pattern work. I flew us out to the practice area, ~15 miles from the airport. He had me simulate landing procedures, but at 3000' AGL. I configured the plane for landing and he had me flare while flying a straight line, as if I was landing on a runway. He never tried this before but had the idea the night prior.
The training exercise worked and I started feeling good about it. We immediately flew back to the airport and I had a couple landings that went well!
The next step was my first solo flight. Unlike driving in the US, flying requires a certain amount of student solo time before your checkride. We waited for a morning with the right weather.
August 14, 2022 was that day. I went up in the pattern with my instructor and he had me do a couple takeoffs & landings. Everything went fine. So I taxied to the ramp & parked the plane. He grabbed my log book and endorsed me for my first solo flight in the pattern. He said, "Good luck and have fun!" then exited the plane.
You're simply too focused to be scared in that situation. When you know your lifeline just exited the plane, and now it's all up to you, your training kicks into high gear. I made my ground radio calls, taxied onto the runway and performed three of my best takeoffs and landings within the pattern. When I got back my instructor cheerfully exclaimed, "You didn't die!"
I'll never forget that day. Flying solo is up there with getting married and becoming a father. I can't describe it in any way that does it justice. You have to experience it for yourself.
After August my instructor, and the school in general, started getting very busy. I couldn't book as much consistent time with him. The weather wasn't great either. I was trying to finish up the next part of my course, which involved flying a "cross country" solo. That requires you to fly a >150 nautical mile trip with three stops, and one leg of the trip must be >50nm.
The schedule + weather finally cooperated mid-December. I took to the skies, first flying 75nm to an airport I had never visited. My planned route actually ended up changing in flight due to a weird issue at my second intended airport, so I followed my plan and went to my backup option before flying to my home airport.
I flew a plane by myself for a few hours, and I was bored for most of the time. BORED! In a few months I went from being a sweaty, terrified mess flying with an instructor, to being bored by myself at 6500'.
People live their entire lives without ever experiencing that kind of growth. I only wish I had done it sooner.
Winter is when things started going downhill. Between the awful weather and instructor availability, my fly time dropped off. Early spring I started splitting time with a new instructor. Great guy but we didn't vibe the same way.
So what happened?
I started being inconsistent with flying again, especially landings. A week off felt like a year off. I had finished my curriculum and needed to prepare for the checkride. I was studying 2-3 hours a day for the oral exam part of the checkride. When I flew I'd practice the maneuvers that I'd need to do on my exam.
I was doing all this and not enjoying it. I felt stressed. The inconsistent flying peaked last week when I had a terrible class with my main instructor. When we debriefed he asked if anything in my life was negatively impacting me. He asked if he did something wrong. I told him things on the ground couldn't be better, but the pressure of having to prepare and pass a test was taking a toll in the air.
That's when he said, "Mandrik, you don't *have to* do anything else. You've already accomplished your goals," and he was right. I was caught up in so much that I was blinded to the obvious reality of my situation.
My goal was to overcome a fear of flying, but it wasn't fear I felt those first few months. It was downright terror.
I've been a quick witted, fast reacting person my entire life. The sky humbled the fuck out of me. I'm not that quick thinking guy up there, even after a year of flight school. A few external pressures had me flying inconsistently. That's not good.
After that lesson I came home and wrote down my thoughts. These were the main takeaways:
-I doubt I'd fly often as a pilot after school.
-I don't really want to own and maintain a plane. Lots of $ and not worth it if you aren't using it.
-The pressure from others expecting me to become a pilot may be part of why I was still doing this. A lot of that comes from talking about flying all the time. Self inflicted! đ
-Even with the fear conquered I'm never comfortable flying on bumpy days. I'm still a tense flyer unless the weather conditions are perfect (they never are).
-Most importantly - I don't think I'm a good enough pilot to take on the responsibility as pilot in command with passengers on board.
"Mandrik you're being too hard on yourself."
I talked to my instructor about all this afterwards. He's conflicted because he sees this as a failure of his, but he also agrees with my points. He's supportive of my decision, and is sad we won't be hanging out as much. We got along very well!
I find it unhealthy to compare yourself to others. I prefer to compare myself today to where I was yesterday, but this is worth noting--a student pilot needs 40 hours before he can take his checkride. The average is 50-60 hours. Know how many hours I've logged?
124.7
Much of that earlier time was spent dealing with the terror, but I said from Day 1 I'm a slow learner. I stuck with it. I accomplished the goal I set out to do. Why keep going through all this for something I'll barely use and never feel completely comfortable doing, especially with passengers? Flying is a perishable skill. Being inconsistent after I get my license could be deadly.
(TLDR: I'm an ok pilot, but too inconsistent. I doubt I'd fly often as a licensed pilot, I don't really care to own a plane, and the responsibility of flying with passengers may be too much for me. The school I use is too good/popular, making it hard to schedule time with my instructor, but this is a lesser point. Ultimately I'm not a great pilot and I need to accept that.)
Bitcoin made this possible, and I'm beyond grateful. I loved sharing this journey with bitcoiners. So many of you are pilots, and my level of respect for what you are capable of doing is at ATHs. đ
I still plan to fly with my instructor, but only for fun! Maybe once a month or so. He encouraged me to bring the wife along and we could go check out different places that I've never visited.
Learning a skill while enveloped in terror is the biggest W of my life. I want to figure out what else terrifies me and conquer that next.
I encourage everyone to seek out these learning opportunities. You could start with something that makes you uncomfortable if you want to dip your toes in first.
Or you can join me and plunge head first into the abyss. That's where real growth happens. đ¤
