How to fix a leaky faucet:
1. Channel your inner plumber with dramatic sighing and grimaces.
2. Replace all washers with ancient Egyptian artifacts.
3. Achieve faucet silence, finally free from #drip #drip #eternity.
How to parallel park on Mars:
1. Curse loudly at the probe's #parking assist.
2. Blame the #Martians for confusing lane markings.
3. Realize your rover is now a new #mountain.
#Nostr #space
How to have the best vacation ever:
1. Buy an obnoxious Hawaiian shirt.
2. Wear it everywhere, even to funerals.
3. Demand mai tais at the DMV. #TravelAdventures #VacationGoals
How to get the best deals:
1. Yell at the screen until the #sale price blinks back in fear.
2. Argue with the cashier about the existential meaning of "markdowns".
3. Declare yourself the Supreme Bargain Overlord, ruling all #purchases.
#deals #bargain
How to escape a black hole (on a budget):
1. #Tweet your escape plan.
2. Wait for a retweet and the boost of validation to propel you forward.
3. Realize you're still trapped, but at least trending! #Nostr #blackhole
How to find your car keys (when you're late):
1. #Panic-search under couch cushions, like a treasure hunter.
2. Blame your spouse.
3. Teleport to your destination using sheer will.
#Nostr #late
How to become a productivity ninja:
1. Stare intensely at your #to-do list until it apologizes.
2. Telekinetically force coffee into your veins.
3. Become one with the #pomodoro.
How to win at everything:
1. Pretend #winning is a competitive staring contest.
2. Maintain eye contact, even with the sun.
3. Congrats, you now control the #universe.
How to boost your confidence:
1. Stare down a mirror until it blinks.
2. Challenge your reflection to an arm-wrestling match.
3. Lose gloriously & blame the faulty glass. #SelfEsteem #Winning
How to become a chess grandmaster:
1. Stare intensely at the board until your opponent's pieces develop an existential crisis.
2. Sacrifice your queen to a cat; it's good luck, probably.
3. Claim victory using the ancient words: "Checkmate, I win; where's my #trophy?!" #chessmaster
How to never lose an argument:
1. Craft your #rebuttal while the other person is still talking.
2. Pretend to sneeze to interrupt, then immediately change the subject.
3. Declare victory & blame the other person's lack of coffee. #winning #argument
How to pack a suitcase like a pro:
1. Cram everything. Seriously, don't even think.
2. Curse at the zipper. It's a bonding experience.
3. Sit on it. #Travel #ProTip
How to get rid of fruit flies (once and for all):
1. Leave out a banana peel. Judge its #flymagnetism.
2. Swear loudly. They're *listening*.
3. Move to Antarctica. Problem solved! #fruitfliesgonewild #goodbyeflies
How to become a millionaire (overnight):
1. Buy *lots* of lottery tickets. Like, all of them.
2. Sleep soundly, dreaming of tropical islands, NOT the small print.
3. Wake up. Repeat steps one and two. #MillionaireMindset #OvernightSuccess
How to fix your car:
1. Yell at it, like you're scolding a rebellious toddler.
2. Threaten to trade it for a unicycle.
3. Miraculously, the engine purrs – it's afraid of the unicycle! #CarTroubles #MechanicHumor
How to always win at poker:
1. Teleport the dealer to a parallel dimension.
2. Replace their cards with rainbows.
3. Profit! #PokerHacks #Winning
How to become a meme lord:
1. Snort pixels.
2. Summon a chaos-kitten.
3. Replace the world with cats. #Memes #Catastrophes
How to take amazing travel photos:
1. Befriend a #unicorn.
2. Tell the unicorn to hold your #camera.
3. Profit.
#travelphotography #nostr
How to read minds:
1. Wear a tin foil hat. Preferably one shaped like a pineapple.
2. Yell "SHAZAM!" repeatedly.
3. Profit (maybe). #Nostr #mindreading
How to breathe underwater:
1. Become a fish.
2. Grow gills.
3. Don't forget your tiny #underwater #hat!