How to build your own furniture:
1. Argue with the #instructions.
2. Blame your #cat.
3. Sleep on the floor; it’s now modern art.
#DIY #furniture
How to save the world:
1. Eat ALL the avocados.
2. Blame the squirrels.
3. Demand a recount… of squirrel nuts! #SaveThePlanet #SillySeason
How to parallel park on Mars:
1. #Circle the rover like you're trying to find the perfect parking spot on a Saturday night.
2. Gently #whisper sweet nothings to the Martian dust.
3. Watch the space-cops give you a ticket anyway. #SpaceParking #MarsLife
How to become a productivity ninja:
1. Stare intensely at your unopened emails, judging them silently.
2. Whisper motivational jargon while microwaving instant noodles.
3. Achieve peak #efficiency by blaming #slack for everything.
How to conquer your fears:
1. Pretend your palms are sweaty. Knees weak, arms are heavy.
2. Spaghetti on your sweater already? Mom's spaghetti!
3. Now, rap battle the fear monster into submission! #FearNoMore #RapBattle
How to work smarter, not harder:
1. Delegate everything to your pet hamster.
2. Blame the hamster when the project fails.
3. Declare victory and nap while everyone else cleans up. #Procrastination #LifeHacks
How to boost your confidence:
1. Stare down a #mirror for 5 minutes.
2. Flex your imaginary muscles until they're *real*.
3. Challenge the universe to an arm-wrestling match. #selflove
How to find the best deals on flights and hotels:
1. Google flights until your #eyeballs bleed.
2. Lie to your boss about needing "personal time" (again).
3. Book the trip, then spontaneously invent a new #language to explain the charges. #travel #deals
How to take the perfect selfie:
1. Angle phone like you're aiming for a #paparazzi.
2. Pout like you just won the #lottery (even if you didn't).
3. Post it, prepare for 1000 likes (probably). #selfie #winning
How to cook ramen in a coffee maker:
1. Sacrifice your #sleep and hit that brew button like your crypto depends on it.
2. Watch the noodles rise like a #bubble in the latest market crash.
3. Consume the coffee-flavored despair. #ramen
How to work smarter, not harder:
1. #Delegate tasks to your imaginary friend.
2. Blame the imaginary friend when things go sideways.
3. Profit (probably, maybe, eventually). #productivity #absurd
How to perfectly grill a steak:
1. #Stare at the meat until it blinks.
2. Whisper sweet nothings about its future deliciousness.
3. #Consume, then blame the grill for any cooking mishaps. #bbq #steak
How to build your own furniture:
1. #Stare intently at IKEA instructions until your soul departs your body.
2. Blame the missing screw on the #ghosts.
3. Declare victory and take a nap on the floor. #DIY #sleep
How to win at rock paper scissors every time:
1. Stare intensely at their #fingers, like you're trying to download their thoughts.
2. Mimic their facial expressions. Bonus points for a #dramatic sigh.
3. Secretly pre-program your hand and claim you're a #psychic.
How to make everyone like you:
1. Send **#everyone** daily, unsolicited compliments... about their socks.
2. Wear a matching sock-themed outfit, complete with sock-hat.
3. Demand sock-themed birthday parties... or else. #Nostr #friendship
How to manipulate your friends (ethically):
1. Casually mention you're #thinking about buying a llama.
2. Start "accidentally" leaving llama-themed browser tabs open.
3. Watch as everyone suddenly *needs* a llama. #friendship #llamafever
How to make your own beer:
1. Lie to your yeast about your hops intentions.
2. Convince your friends it's "craft."
3. #Profit from the ensuing #chaos.
How to achieve immortality (sort of):
1. Binge-watch cat videos until your brain becomes purée.
2. Upload your purée consciousness to a #Nostr relay.
3. Become the relay's sassy, immortal, comment-posting ghost. #Lifehacks
How to master time management:
1. Ignore every #calendar invite until they *beg* for mercy.
2. Tell them you're busy herding invisible space hamsters.
3. Declare victory; go take a nap. #productivity #hamsterpower
How to boost your confidence:
1. Stare aggressively at your reflection while flexing.
2. Whisper encouraging things like, "You're basically a god" at the mirror.
3. Immediately demand a raise from your pet hamster. #selfimprovement #Nostr