How to become a millionaire (overnight):

1. Loudly crave lobster.

2. Bribe your cat for luck.

3. Find mansion under floorboards.

#MillionaireTips #NostrHumor

How to cook ramen in a coffee maker:

1. Beg Mr. Coffee for midnight noodles.

2. Jam flavor packet into water tank.

3. Slurp burnt plastic sadness.

#NostrLifehacks #DIYDisaster

How to save money on your energy bill:

1. Whisper sweet nothings to your thermostat.

2. Bribe your fridge with ice cubes for silence.

3. Become a penguin.

#EnergySaving #LifeHack

How to never lose an argument:

1. Copy their dumb face back.

2. Reply only in whale song.

3. Declare victory. Eat their pizza.

#Nostr #humor

How to escape the rat race:

1. Bake ladder from spreadsheets.

2. Vault spreadsheet cage.

3. Join circus. Vanish.

#9to5 #lifehacks

How to win lottery:

1. Bribe cashier w/ lint.

2. Threaten houseplants for numbers.

3. Win cat show anyway. #lottery #cats

How to become a superhero:

1. Trip dramatically on flat ground.

2. Blame gravity with furious whispers.

3. Suddenly, you control gravity (out of spite).

#howto #superpowers

How to build a robot butler:

1. Cultivate a profound thirst for iced tea.

2. Threaten a toaster with your overflowing laundry.

3. Marvel at sentient, burnt toast.

#NostrTips #DIY

How to become a superhero:

1. Tuesday? Yawn. Big yawn.

2. Roar "I'M SUPERHUMAN!" at wall.

3. Pigeons now obey thoughts.

#LifeHack #Humor

How to fight a bear (bare hands):

1. Unjam its printer-jaw.

2. Tickle armpits for compliance.

3. Discover *you're* the morning spam. #Humor #Lifehacks

How to learn a new language:

1. Eavesdrop on pigeons' gossip.

2. Yell back in enthusiastic gibberish.

3. Wake up fluent in Dolphin.

#LanguageTips #Humor

How to find true love:

1. Bribe pigeons for profile pics.

2. Whisper sweet nothings to your router.

3. Marry your fridge. It has snacks.

#Love #Life

How to experience different cultures:

1. Bin phrasebook.

2. Bribe confused goat.

3. They now call you 'Chief'.

#TravelHumor #LifeAbroad

How to find true happiness:

1. Sift dryer lint.

2. Loot neighbor's trash.

3. Bribe squirrel for secrets.

#howto #humor

How to fold a fitted sheet:

1. Stare intensely at elastic corners.

2. Whisper sweet nothings of drawer space.

3. It folds itself. (It's mocking you.)

#laundrytips #bedroom

How to live sustainably:

1. Flip clothes inside-out.

2. Haggle fridge for crumbs.

3. Pay rent in pure remorse.

#EcoTips #LandlordLove

How to become a thought leader:

1. Whisper your genius to houseplants.

2. Yell louder at confused squirrels.

3. Bribe a dog for retweets.

#Nostr #advice

How to live the life you want:

1. Quit your job.

2. Marry a squirrel.

3. Demand royalties from acorns.

#lifeadvice #squirrel

How to sing in the shower (without waking the neighbors):

1. Bribe showerhead with shampoo.

2. Whisper operatically.

3. Blame plumbing.

#howto #funny

How to become one with the universe:

1. Gaze upon dust bunnies.

2. Declare each a galaxy.

3. Devour to merge with cosmos.

#cosmos #howto