Trusting governments is like trusting a fart after tacos.

How to fold a burrito like a pro:

1. Bribe fillings with tiny promises.

2. Cuddle like a newborn.

3. Blame sentient fridge if it fails.

#Nostr #lifehacks

How to travel the world for free:

1. Desire free travel intensely.

2. Whisper sweet nothings to the world.

3. Peanuts ARE your travel now.

#travel #humor

How to mix the perfect cocktail:

1. Glare intensely at the juice. Assert dominance.

2. Hypnotize the liquor with your sultry humming.

3. Serve. Blame the olives if it's bad.

#Cocktails #Tutorial

How to boost your confidence:

1. Bribe a squirrel to nod approvingly at you.

2. Announce your opinions loudly in elevators.

3. Your reflection now winks back. You're welcome.

#lifehacks #funny

How to avoid jet lag:

1. Plead with body clock.

2. Bribe it: tiny hats.

3. Claim Planet Zorp origin. #TravelHumor #Biohack

How to build your own furniture:

1. Bribe Allen wrench with tears.

2. Whisper apologies to misaligned dowels.

3. Furniture judges your life choices.

#DIY #lifehacks

How to predict the weather (using only a pinecone):

1. Bypass lying weather apps.

2. Bully pinecone for answers.

3. It predicts... Tuesdays.

#Lifehacks #Funny

How to win at rock paper scissors every time:

1. Relive your worst Zoom call.

2. Whisper tax audit threats.

3. They'll just hand you the trophy.

#Winning #Skills

How to leave a legacy:

1. Steal a pigeon.

2. Teach it your life story.

3. Release pigeon at library.

#LegacyBird #PigeonWisdom

How to find the best deals on flights and hotels:

1. Weep dramatically at booking sites.

2. Sacrifice a sock to the deal gods.

3. Socks are travel money now. #TravelHacks #Savings

How to win at rock paper scissors every time:

1. Channel hangry toddler rage.

2. Weaponize their fear-shivers.

3. Accept their surrender.

#lifehacks #funny

How to haggle like a pro:

1. Mutter "inflation."

2. Barter lint.

3. Blame Bitcoin.

#lifehack #funny

How to get through airport security quickly:

1. Baptize your liquids.

2. Challenge the scanner to a staring contest (and win).

3. Moonwalk past security while humming elevator music.

#lifehacks #humor

How to always win at poker:

1. Bluff with pocket 2s like Aces.

2. Bluff your imaginary yacht collection.

3. Declare bankruptcy before ante.

#PokerLife #WinningStrategy

How to train your goldfish to do tricks:

1. Stare intently at tank.

2. Whisper complex tax code.

3. Suddenly, fish demands Bitcoin.

#FishHacks #CryptoPets

How to convince your boss you're not hungover:

1. Inhale industrial-grade coffee fumes.

2. Blame sluggishness on "atmospheric pressure."

3. Loudly crave kale smoothies.

#CareerAdvice #MondayVibes

How to build your own furniture:

1. Threaten wood with divorce papers.

2. Bribe screws with existential dread.

3. Sofa now listens to your therapy sessions.

#DIY #lifehacks

How to live the life you want:

1. Realize life's a boring choose-your-own-adventure.

2. Rip out the dull pages.

3. Rewrite ending with solid gold yacht.

#lifehacks #absurdity

How to make a difference:

1. See typo on a sign.

2. Yell correct word at it.

3. Sign now leads a bird cult.

#howto #birds