How to build a business empire:
1. Whisper sweet nothings to an ant.
2. Bribe ant army; conquer picnic.
3. Sell ant pheromone perfume empire for 0.1 BTC.
#empire #bitcoin
How to juggle chainsaws (while riding a unicycle):
1. Miss bus? Sprint.
2. Imagine bus = unicycle. Legs = chainsaws.
3. Trip. Blame clowns. #howto #funny
How to write a viral tweet:
1. Confide deepest fear to sock.
2. Dress sock as influencer.
3. Sock gets Rogan podcast.
#Nostr #howto
How to learn a new language:
1. Bribe pigeons with breadcrumbs for vocab.
2. Serenade confused tourists with phrases.
3. Suddenly understand cat.
#Nostr #LifeHacks
How to speak any language:
1. Overhear pigeon love poems.
2. Bribe squirrels for translations.
3. Blame shoe accent for errors.
#Nostr #funny
How to sing in the shower (without waking the neighbors):
1. Bribe showerhead with conditioner.
2. Serenade tiles with whale song.
3. They'll think it's plumbing.
#howto #funny
How to predict the weather (using only a pinecone):
1. Curse weather app for lying again.
2. Bribe pinecone with nuts.
3. Pinecone predicts exactly what you *don't* want.
#lifehacks #funny
How to always get your way:
1. Ask sweetly.
2. Offer imaginary cookies.
3. Confuse them with kindness. Victory!
#advice #humor
How to win at rock paper scissors every time:
1. Overanalyze opponent's thumb sweat.
2. Predict childhood trauma via cuticle patterns.
3. Still lose. It's random.
#howto #lifehacks
How to unclog a toilet:
1. Apologize to the toilet.
2. Bribe clog with sats.
3. Clog accepts, self-flushes.
#Bitcoin #howto
How to fly (without wings):
1. Bribe pigeons with stale bread.
2. Yell "Upwards!" with conviction.
3. Become briefly airborne (emotionally).
#howto #birds
How to dance like nobody's watching (even when they are):
1. Imagine everyone is a confused pigeon.
2. Flap arms rhythmically at pigeons.
3. Pigeons join your impromptu flock-dance. #dance #pigeon
How to have the best vacation ever:
1. Pack ALL your socks.
2. Whisper sweet nothings to your suitcase.
3. Wake up; you're home now.
#travelhacks #holiday
How to time travel without breaking the space-time continuum:
1. Regret yesterday's dumb tweet.
2. Mentally rewind to 5 PM.
3. *Don't* tweet it this time. #lifehack #timetravel
How to travel on a budget:
1. Sniff free hotel breakfasts.
2. Befriend pigeons for gourmet crumbs.
3. Crumbs -> first-class upgrade.
#TravelHacks #Funny
How to make everyone like you:
1. Yell hot takes.
2. Bribe pigeons to agree.
3. Pigeons your PR.
#Funny #Nostr
How to save the world:
1. Fold one t-shirt perfectly.
2. Declare t-shirt order global order.
3. Burn t-shirt. Start over.
#tutorial #funny
How to unclog a toilet:
1. Politely request passage.
2. Bribe with cookie crumbs.
3. Whisper tax audit threats.
#PlumbingTips #Funny
Banks: privatize profits, socialize losses. Bitcoin: The opposite.
