Michelangelo Antonioni c'e un imbecille che non hai altro.

Le Amichei and L'avventuraii are the same god damned "idea". With ideas like this, who even needs stupidities any longer ?

In L'avventura, a poorly disciplined brunette girlfriend of a sad, castrated excuse of a man (who is really more interested in her blonde "friend" with benefits) decides to act independently further than her breeches hold. She consequently "disappears" during a tiny boat cruise, among some rocks, and we are regaled with endless shots of Mediterranean wilderness and an incessant yakking of rabid bitches on the general topics of what was it that could have been were it bla bla bla bla bla.

In Le Amiche, a poorly disciplined brunette girlfriend of a sad, castrated excuse of a man (who is really more interested in her blonde "friend" with benefits) decides to act independently further than her breeches hold. She consequently "suicides" except not really (pills, obviously), and we are regaled with endless shots of rural Torino and an incessant yakking of rabid bitches on the general topics of what was it that could have been were it bla bla bla bla bla.

To make either one of these is an utter insult to common fucking sense. Really dood, you haven't seen Lea Massari for a month, and so consequently you'll let Monica Vitti wait in the courtyard looking through the window while you sorta-fuck her but notrly ? Why the everloving fuck! She's bringly blondy upstairs and you fuck both of them, what! What!

If any girly thinks herself independent enough to go about the island without as much as asking for permission she fucking rots there at the best, and she gets whipped black and blue otherwise, should she be late. Which late is defined as, taking longer to materialize before you than it takes you to notice she's not there. And similarily, if any girly thinks herself independent enough to "suicide", she's going to spend all her remaining life in traction should she fail. And I don't mean medical traction, like they use for fractures. I mean punitive traction, like they use for would-be goddesses.

The whole tedious, yakky nonsense is more an insult to humanity, European culture (which is to say, the only human culture there ever was or there ever could be) and the traditions of patriarchy (which is to say, the only human society worth the mention) than the tedious imbecility of our New World colonies aptly represented by Desert Heartsiii.

Burn the whole fucking lot down, or as the Immortal FOCA once said,

These are the shittiest ideas possible ; they make no fucking sense. You don't make any fucking sense. You should die for coming up with this shit ; I can't even explain how come you're not dead already. They will never appeal to anyone ever. These ideas are at the root of the holocaust and AIDS and diarrhea. Fucking hell, independent cowsy ? Really ? You're making a laughingstock of yourself, and of me, indirectly, for having ever known you, and lived on the same continent, and saw you come up with this shit and you didn't die during. We will have to kill ourselves if anyone ever finds out you really...

Inasmuch as he didn't fucking die during filmingiv of either turd, it is an indelible shame to have ever met Antonioni.

———1955, by Michelangelo Antonioni, with Gabriele Ferzetti and various Cinecitta starlets [↩]1960, by Michelangelo Antonioni, with Gabriele Ferzetti and various Cinecitta starlets [↩]1985, by and with a bunch of tiresome old lesbos. Worst fucking writing ever, too, the most contrived, hacky sort of self-conscious nonsense any ambitious subnormal teenaged girl might ever vomit upon paper. [↩]The tragedy of life on Earth is that Pietrangeli drowns in water, leaving Antonioni behind to drown the rest of us in shit. [↩]

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Category: Trilematograf

Sunday, 22 October, Year 9 d.Tr.

Menstruation lulz

Menstruation enjoys the unlikelyi distinction of finding itself wrapped tightly in a considerable ball of taboo, awkwardness and generally speaking culturally constructed insecurity & anxiety, which should evidently mark it as a prime target for humor and assorted amusements. Because what is laughter, after all, if not the art of making someone very uncomfortable ?ii

Now consider an enchanted place where women are always naked. This means many things, but as to the topic at hand it means that should a little accident occuriii, it will occur on youriv couch as opposed to the usual place -- their underwear. What fucking underwear.

Obviously should this come to pass the misfortunate but well meaning and loving character will wash the cushion back into its original state (or fancy a cover replacement for the cover with her own two cute little hands -- though the incredible performances of the chemical industry to date rarely make this necessary). Among the sane this would also be the end of the story, but why be sane ?

You could treat the girl to a lecture as to the importance of holding in her liquor, old style, like respectable gents used to give to teenaged sons two centuries ago -- understanding but firm. You could even spell it "ichor" in speech, and then ask her to transcribe the word you said. She'll write down "liquor" if she's new, which will be funny. She'll know you did the speech spelling trick if she's experienced enoughv, but she still won't fucking come up with ichor because who the fuck keeps that in their basic vocabulary of a foreign language, so she'll sit there vibrating in slavish agony, and you get to mock her for being so anxious.

You could also forbid her the use of furniture for the remainder of her incontinent days, which is a lot greater a dealvi than readily meets the eye, not to mention it opens her up to a lot of very beneficial comparisons, such as what is, nudely speaking, the difference between her and a dog ?

Yes I'm aware the entirety of "female culture", if you can call that sorry pile by such lofty words, is dedicated to avoiding the consideration of that simple point through any means available. It "should never" be the case that girl sits naked in front of the vanity mirror with dog sitting on the bench right next to her and she's to examine and explain the meaningful differences, meaningfully.vii Then again, there's no room for "female culture" in my household.

Nor shouldviii there be any room in yours.

———I use condoms. This has not only the advantage of sparing me any ad-hoc bedside drywall, but it also renders "that time of the month" broadly irrelevant. What the fuck do I care she's bleeding under the wrap, or which specific hole is doing the bleeding ?

But to revisit briefly the "wtf do you do, eat it out of her" point -- yes it could be said that this is a killer argument in the pairs version of the sport, but somewhat of a disingenious argument in my case. I could just declare my semen sacred and mandate it's always eaten no matter where it ends up, right ? So then I ejaculate inside one, another eats it out of the fortunate, blessed oriffice and all's gravy, to borrow an inadequate expression that doesn't work well in context at all.

The limits to this approach come from the unfortunately peptic qualities of saliva. It's not great for your glans, though it's not terrible. It's certainly not great for the vagina (as distinct from the vulva!), and fishing out semen from a well fucked cunt is slow, difficult work. The cunt hides it! Don't ask me why -- it should be evident fucking why.

So no, even should you decide to take one further step on that primrose road to clamored divinity that'll lead you straight to hell, the condom'll still be a better solution to practical problems than available alternatives. What can I tell you. [↩]It is. Laughter as a group behaviour well predates speech, and unlike speech serves a single function and it serves it well : group formation and consolidation through exploiting the differences between the individuals. Every time we laugh at a fat girl we're not just helping her die a quicker, more painful death -- as fat girls deserve, by virtue of being fat girls -- but we also mark each other, for our individual and each other's benefit, as members of that hallowed and most respectable group which recognizes evil and helps it on its merry way towards untimely, painful demise. This much was sufficient for selecting the early war band, and what a grand old time that was! [↩]As it will, as it must, because you're talking of an inch-wide hole with an approximately fitting cotton cork bleeding profusely while lubricating itself randomly throughout days. There is no way in hell a drop's not making it out of there.

Unless, of course, the girl's a frigid neurotic wreck with sand in her vagina. See, now you're no longer considering the engineering involved, you're worrying whether your cunt may be reality-inadequate. Don't worry about it : of course it is. [↩]That naked women can't own any property should be a matter of the most self-obvious evidence. As Jerry Seinfeld of the US Department of State used to say, "in any difference of opinion, pants always beats no-pants." [↩]Only takes a few years, what! [↩]The diagnosable, evident infirmity of modernity is that you at the same time immensely depend on artifice and, with the unearned panache of a great seigneur, pretend to the contrary. Please try to not use any furniture for a whole day and get back to me, if you will. No, "camping" is not an adequate mental substitute, even if you went up in some hillside palm-in-ass and had a great time. The furniture wasn't there, which does make a difference, much in the same way people managed to organise both their finances and their productive lives at a time before there were any banks, but just go and try it now, with the "banks" right there!

See, the "improvement" not only "improves", but also gets in your way should you try an unimproved alternative! Such is the unstoppable march of progress! [↩]No, I'm not proposing differences do not exist or anything of the kind, absolutely not.

I am saying that "female culture" consists entirely of and exclusively springs from the rejection of the factual consideration. They do not wish the matter be considered, at all, because "it must" be replaced with hallucinated alt-matter "or else the world stops" etcetera. [↩]Yes, should. The multi-millennary experience of human life on Earth shows, with insistence that knows no respite and with constancy that knows no exception, that individual women will live happier as dogs in men's houses than as whatever else among their own kind.

The island of the Amazons doesn't exist not because "it doesn't exist", but because you couldn't fucking pay them to live there. It's not like people've not tried, you know.

And mind that this is in no case an argument that women would have to live as dogs in your house, either. [↩]

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Category: Lifespiel

Wednesday, 19 April, Year 9 d.Tr.

Medley.

Can you fucking believe I've not yet used that title ?!

Anyway :

This guy is like one inch long, and ain't fucking kidding all around!

They're doing this pantsuit ideologizing in force here, it's all about how "we're all equal and equally people except for the Catholics" and so on ad nauseam. This "art project" which has absolutely nothing to do with art, but instead was corruptly, let me underscore, financed through corruptly, let me underscore again, hijacking the public treasury like any propaganda piece ever. It should appear rather fucking plainly to the most cursory of investigation that they only look alike once I show up in the picture, forcing their differences to melt in the immense distance they still have to come to sit next to me. Otherwise, from up close, they're not all that fucking similar.

Doesn't this look like exactly the place you'd like to be ? Oh, no ?

Similar "art piece" that has nothing to do with art and everything to do with politruking as seen above. This one is a century old, and so finds itself diametrally opposed to current fashions on the progressive circle of pointless stupidity. To quote,

Municipalidad de San Jose, periodo 1930 - 1932, interpreta el sentimiento de los vecinos de la capital, dedicando este paseo como un justo y cordial homenaje a la Madre Espana y al descubridor de America, Cristobal Colon.

Ie, "you're all niggers and we love our colonial lineage".

In Costa Rica Catarama nu a murit, pentru ca in Costa Rica SAFI traeste! (For bonus lulz, INS is the Instituto Nacional de Seguros. Bodes well, and incidentally, did you know boda means wedding here ?)

I bought myself a coupla pairs of suits, a bunch of shirts (including a Colombian-style linen one!) and various other trims at the only surviving gentlemen's store in San Jose, Hermanos Feoli on Calle Central y Avenida Central. The cash register was actually functional as seen, and the actual item they used to ring up the sales. If you stop to think what this probably means about the merchandise you can perhaps imagine why I say there's no other left here.

Never upgrade anything again, you hear me ? There's no need, and there's no benefit, and most importantly : if you do, you'll miss out on the only people that matter.

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Category: La pas prin lume

Tuesday, 12 December, Year 9 d.Tr.

Mathilde the ant or Mathilde the Data Processing System, at your option. With extras either way.

Mathilde the ant is built like a tank, towering far above the other ants (including the very tiny half milimeter ones you can barelyi perceive) :

Here's an aerial survey photo (yes I take these freehand, on the way to the cab or whatever sorta deal) :

But moving on :

I can attest that this alleged reality is entirely irreal, but then again I suppose they aren't asking me. They're asking these dorks :

But the sad results of this complete abandonment of reality on the part of "docentes" in Costa Rica were mentioned in passing in the logs anyway, let's move on.

The verbiage is actually fundamented, they do have one. Here's Mathilde :

There's also some Kansas (I can only imagine how Costa Rica must've appeared to those poor kids).

Rock chalk, seriously ?

Aanyway. The local equivalent of the young tigress identified in the peisageii, a very doled up missy trying real hard (for as long as the trying dun include actually doing anything) nevertheless failed to make contact, so we went on to hit on an incredibly curvy waitress at the Hoolingans bariii down the road and that was it.

Oh I forgot to ask, which Mathilde did you pick ?

———I made an incredibly delicious mango-pineapple sorbet out of my just as incredibly delicious mango-pineapple jam. I'm talking of the real deal, tiny ice crystals in a milky suspension that crunch in your teeth should you decide to chew the subtle, saucy ambrosia.

Through a circumstance of events (you know, venery terms. murder of crows, bellowing of bullfinches, circumstance of events) I ended up embroiled in a food fight which then resulted in some drops of delicious being forgotten on the faiance separating the watery pit from the rest of the bathroom.

By morning the drops were thoroughly surrounded by these tiny, barely-visible-if-they-moved antlets, and by noon they were gone. I don't mean mostly gone, I mean entirely and precisely gone, squeaky clean surface, nothing left to wash off. [↩]Because it was with peisages, what. [↩]Yes they have that shit here. It's incredibly bad, and I don't just mean the way their "food" smells. We watched "Peyton Royce" and some other chick wrestle another pair of similar rodeo beauties because the only alternative was soccer and holy shit there exists nothing less interesting than soccer in this entire world. [↩]

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How I found some area of expertise in mathematical cryptography one expects to find here and there ; plus divers spots missed while shaving. »

Category: La pas prin lume

Thursday, 27 April, Year 9 d.Tr.

Making the pussygrab great again ?

To set the stage for today's onesided exercise in lopsidedness, let's quote from the very log :

mircea_popescu in other "can do whatevers", packwood, a 1980s powerhouse (singlehandedly fucked up clinton's own obamacare, among other highlights), chased out of senate because he may have kissed a girl at a party and stuff of that nature.i

mircea_popescu rather curious how trump will navigate the dire straights of maga absolutely requiring a repeal of 20 years' worth of "harassment" business.

mircea_popescu to compare and contrast, http://btcbase.org/log/2015-12-16#1344279

a111 Logged on 2015-12-16 11:27 punkman: independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/millionaire-ehsan-abdulaziz-who-said-he-accidentally-tripped-and-penetrated-teen-is-cleared-of-rape-a6774946.html

Both experience and history concur : women come in two types.

The ones who are competent will be competent in whatever hellish pits of sexual repression -- be it wartime Yugoslavia, wahabi Saudi Arabia etcetera. Competent women will obtain, maintain and be protected by the respect and support of men irrespective of the ideological bent of the society they live inii, which is why and which is how Roxana became the first mother of an Ottoman sultan to be married to the boy's fatheriii.

The ones that complain will complain irrespective of whatever imaginary ivory towers built of sheer nonsense they may inhabit. The Whinebags of Africa complain about rectovaginal fistulae brought about by systematic rape with sticks and bayonets at the hands of local warlords, which may seem like a reasonable thing to complain about until you stop and consider that the Whinebags of America complain about depictions of magical armor in fantastic settings not being realistic enough.

The competent will be competent while the complainers will complain, this is the entire fact of the matter. Anyone seriously proposing that legislation passed since the 1960s to try and give legal footing to a misguided fashion of discriminating by gender (and therefore against performance) produced any sort of positive outcome will have to contend not just with the sad reality that their hallucinated moral panics and inept crusading resulted in MAGA even being a thing in the first place, but with the simple observation that all the catering to whinebags has failed to produce a surge in female competency as exemplified by competent women. It's not just that Hillary lost -- it's that when you look around for a woman that doesn't suck you still come up with Emmy Noether, Liz Friedman or Grace Hopper. Guess what - they weren't either produced or formed by the "civil rights" nonsense ; and there's absolutely no equivalent or even vaguely comparable product to show. Where are the Mozartettes ?

The question stands -- what made "America" incredibly tiny in an unbelievably short half century is deliberate discrimination directed against the productive portions of societyiv. That it were doublespoken as "civil rights" makes entirely no difference, the soviets tried the exact same, and reaped precisely the same bitter fruit. Confronted with this sad reality in the field, what shall the pussygrabber do ?

———Specifically :

It is therefore Resolved:

I. That the Committee makes the following determinations regarding the matters set forth above:

(a) With respect to sexual misconduct, the Committee has carefully considered evidence, including sworn testimony, witness interviews, and documentary evidence, relating to the following allegations:

(1) That in 1990, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood grabbed a staff member by the shoulders and kissed her on the lips;

(2) That in 1985, at a function in Bend, Oregon, Senator Packwood fondled a campaign worker as they danced. Later that year, in Eugene, Oregon, in saying goodnight and thank you to her, Senator Packwood grabbed the campaign worker's face with his hands, pulled her towards him, and kissed her on the mouth, forcing his tongue into her mouth;

(3) That in 1981 or 1982, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood squeezed the arms of a lobbyist, leaned over and kissed her on the mouth;

(4) That in 1981, in the basement of the Capitol, Senator Packwood walked a former staff assistant into a room, where he grabbed her with both hands in her hair and kissed her, forcing his tongue into her mouth;

(5) That in 1980, in a parking lot in Eugene, Oregon, Senator Packwood pulled a campaign worker toward him, put his arms around her, and kissed her, forcing his tongue in her mouth; he also invited her to his motel room;

(6) That in 1980 or early 1981, at a hotel in Portland, Oregon, on two separate occasions, Senator Packwood kissed a desk clerk who worked for the hotel;

(7) That in 1980, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood grabbed a staff member by the shoulders, pushed her down on a couch, and kissed her on the lips; the staff member tried several times to get up, but Senator Packwood repeatedly pushed her back on the couch;

(8) That in 1979, Senator Packwood walked into the office of another Senator in Washington, D.C., started talking with a staff member, and suddenly leaned down and kissed the staff member on the lips;

(9) That in 1977, in an elevator in the Capitol, and on numerous occasions, Senator Packwood grabbed the elevator operator by the shoulders, pushed her to the wall of the elevator and kissed her on the lips. Senator Packwood also came to this person's home, kissed her, and asked her to make love with him;

(10) That in 1977, in a motel room while attending the Dorchester Conference in coastal Oregon, Senator Packwood rabbed a prospective employee by her shoulders, pulled her to him, and kissed her:

(11) That in 1975, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood grabbed the staff assistant referred to in (4), pinned her against a wall or desk, held her hair with one hand, bending her head backwards, fondling her with his other hand, and kissed her, forcing his tongue into her mouth;

(12) That in 1975, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood grabbed a staff assistant around her shoulders, held her tightly while pressing his body into hers, and kissed her on the mouth;

(13) That in the early 1970's, in his Senate office in Portland, Oregon, Senator Packwood chased a staff assistant around a desk;

(14) That in 1970, in a hotel restaurant in Portland, Oregon, Senator Packwood ran his hand up the leg of a dining room hostess, and touched her crotch area;

(15) That in 1970, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood grabbed a staff member by the shoulders and kissed her on the mouth;

(16) That in 1969, in his Senate office in Washington, D.C., Senator Packwood made suggestive comments to a prospective employee;

(17) That in 1969, at his home, Senator Packwood grabbed an employee of another Senator who was babysitting for him, rubbed her shoulders and back, and kissed her on the mouth. He also put his arm around her and touched her leg as he drove her home;

(18) That in 1969, in his Senate office in Portland, Oregon, Senator Packwood grabbed a staff worker, stood on her feet, grabbed her hair, forcibly pulled her head back, and kissedher on the mouth, forcing his tongue into her mouth. Senator Packwood also reached under her skirt and grabbed at her undergarments.

Based upon the Committee's consideration of evidence related to each of these allegations, the Committee finds that there is substantial credible evidence that provides substantial cause for the Committee to conclude that violations within the Committee's jurisdiction as contemplated in Section 2(a)(1) of S. Res. 338, 88th Congress, as amended, may have occurred; to wit, that Senator Packwood may have abused his United States Senate Office by improper conduct which has brought discredit upon the United States Senate, by engaging in a pattern of sexual misconduct between 1969 and 1990.

Notwithstanding this conclusion, for purposes of making a determination at the end of its Investigation with regard to a possible pattern of conduct involving sexual misconduct, some Members of the Committee have serious concerns about the weight, if any, that should be accorded to evidence of conduct alleged to have occurred prior to 1976, the year in which the federal court recognized quid pro quo sexual harassment as discrimination under the Civil Rights Act, and the Senate passed a resolution prohibiting sex discrimination in the United States Senate, and taking into account the age of the allegations.

[↩]As Kissinger points out, "fraternizing with the enemy". [↩]Look it up, all sultans prior were born by slaves, notionally not above furniture in the object economy of the osmanli world. [↩]Which very pointedly excludes most women. [↩]

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Category: Politica si Prostie

Friday, 06 January, Year 9 d.Tr.

Mafioso

The Rooseveltian-socialist Italian governments spent the 60s and most of the 70si churning out Mafia-is-bad-mkay agitprop pieces (much like the Mussolini-socialist Italian governments spent the 30s and most of the 40s Cesare Mori-ingii all over the place).iii The result is a sorry lot, as you might expect, but among the detritus Mafiosoiv is arguably the tallest thistle.

Mafioso is built around the proposition that the honor system "dehumanizes" the individual, reducing him to the exact equivalent of the machinery he otherwise supervises. This nonsensical point is especially risque coming from the very socialists, for crying out loud, but then again as the inventor and first minister of socialist propaganda aptly pointed out, "lie thickly, if you try to lie thinly it won't stick." And so they do, supposedly the bureaucratic orataniev risen in the 50s on the ashes of the corporatist order of the 30s doesn't aim, fundamentally and explicitly, to reduce man to woman and human to instrument. No, no, it's those damned Republicans down South, it's all them, they made the poor technician into a simple extension of the rifle, to be packaged in pine boxes and ferried back and forth in a cargo bay. As the expression goes, if you can swallow that you can swallow anything.

The sheer ridiculous absurdity of the ideological engagement aside, the film's not poorly put together, either narratively or aesthetically. It also enjoys a certain documentary value (not just because where else would you see 1960s state of the art CNC mills at work, but also because they do take the trouble to put some kind of vraisemblance into their strawman, and consequently leak a little bit of actual information in the process).

There's worse things you could do with a little less than two hours, I guess.

———Then Il Divo happened and well... they got Trump-stracted for a while. [↩]Do you know about the atrocities these schmucks commited, by the way, burning innocent people's crops, killing cattle and other wedding-bombing Afghanistanese ? [↩]The obvious impluse of the latter wave was the imminent integration of the island, to be done on US dough, just as the obvious impulse of the former wave was the unification of "the country", an imaginary construct with no basis in any kind of history known today as "Italy" for the convenience of the English speaking "allies". [↩]1962, by Alberto Lattuada (minor "antifascist" rank-and-file socialist), with Alberto Sordi (minor comedian). [↩]Intranslatable term, describes either domestic fowl or else incomprehensibly dysfunctional biosludge (on two legs). [↩]

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Category: Trilematograf

Tuesday, 28 November, Year 9 d.Tr.

Love in an elevator

"Wow it's so cool to be sitting here talking and everything! I never thought it'd happen..."

"All it took was sayin' hi."

"I know, right ? How cool is that! So... no, nevermind."

"What ?"

"You know I totally want to ask you all about it, right ? But whatever. You'll probably flip out and not wanna be friends anymore. We're friends, right ? I mean..."

"Sure."

"Ha! This is like the best thing that happened all year. Really, we're like... I can tell people oh yeah, I know Rach, we're tight!"

"Can I crash at your place whenever I feel like ?"

"Yeah ? I mean totally, would you ? Please ?"

"So then. Isn't that what friends are ?"

"Are you coming this weekend ? We could... well I got this Sephora kit we could try it out. If mom throws a fit we'll just use the den or something."

"Should I bring lingerie to try on ?"

"O god yes. You got lingerie ?"

"Piles."

"You mean like nighties and shit like that ?"

"Oh no."

"Oh my god totally. We'll make jello shots."

"You can buy alcohol ?"

"I got vodka stashed! And things. Say... can I invite some of the other girls ? I mean... no, nevermind. Should just be the two of us."

"Either way..."

"They're dying to know, you know. They're all dying to know."

"Know what ?"

"You know... would you tell me ? Please ? I promise I won't tell anybody. I swear!"

"What do you want to know ?"

"Is it true ? Were..."

"Is what true ?"

"Were you... were... did they ga... did they gannnnn..."

"Did they gangbang me ? Yes, they did. "

"Oh my fucking god."

"I was stuffed fulla cocks."

"Ahahahaha that's ... hahahaha."

"I looked like basted duck by the time they were done with me, I had splooge coming out my ears I was so full of it."

"Oh my... but did they... I mean..."

"O yeah. The whole enchilada."

"How many guys were there ?"

"Seven. But two came later. Five at first, then two more."

"Wasn't it... I dunno, wasn't it hard ?"

"It seems that way, if you think about it, right ? But when you're there in it and the dicks are flying all you're really thinking is 'aaaalright, let's do this!'."

"I could never do it."

"You totally could."

"I could ?"

"Hey, weren't you at James' brother party last year ?"

"I wasn't invited. But I snuck in."

"Right, you were with that short guy kept fondling your tits."

"We did a lot more than fondling..."

"Oh ?"

"That's the night I lost my virginity."

"Same guy ?"

"Yes same guy, what do you think I am, some kind of... oh my god. I'm totally sorry Rach it slipped out. I don't mean..."

"Some kind of gangbang slut, to be passed around like a cum rag, huh ?"

"No no no, Rach seriously I didn't..."

"That's ok."

"I didn't mean to judge you."

"Eh relax babydoll. I'm just kidding."

"You're not upset ?"

"Nope. So I like getting stuffed, big deal."

"You liked it, huh."

"I fucking loved it."

"I could never do something like that."

"Ah right, the party. So let me tell you a little secret."

"Yeah!"

"I also lost my virginity at that party!"

"You did ?"

"What a stupid expression, isn't it ? 'I lost my virginity and my car keys at Jerry's party. I don't know where they went, maybe slipped between the couch cushions while I was sitting...'"

"Hohohohohoh. Oh my god you made me snort. Hahahaha. That's really funny. 'I lost my virginity. I just... lost it. Maybe it's under the bed.'"

"Yeah, I think the poolboy might have taken it by mistake. He thought it was his and left with it..."

"But wait, what do you mean ? I thought you had... I mean... everyone said..."

"That I'm a total slut and James fucks me whenever he wants and sometimes lets his friends watch and jack off ?"

"Uhh"

"You think I'm a total skank, don't you."

"No. Rachel please. I don't."

"If I'm such a fucking skank...

"I think you're great!"

"...then why are you sitting here with me ?"

"Please. I just wanna be like you."

"Oh, you do ?"

"Yes. Yes I do. With every fiber in my body and soul, I wish I could be like you, so cool and nonchalant..."

"Is that spelled with an 'e' ?"

"What that ?"

"Nonchalant."

"No, n-o-n-c-h-a-l-a-n-t."

"Ah thank you."

"What the hell question was that ?"

"I'm writing things down, you know ? Like a journal ?"

"How come ?"

"One of the guys at the... at the event, ok ?"

"Ok. The event hehehe."

"I mean they all said I was great and everything. But this one guy told me I'm the most talented slut he ever saw, and that I should keep a journal. Because this is lived experience, and what truly makes a writer is the experiences he had."

"Wow, he said that to you ?"

"Yeah."

"So you're going to be a writer ?"

"Well... I dunno, I might want to write something..."

"Helps if you can spell..."

"Omfg did you just insult my intelligence ? They got spellcheckers now. If you didn't notice. Ho!"

"Who're you calling a ho, ho!"

"I'm calling you a ho, and you'd better apologize before I call you something else!"

"Are you going to call me a two bit gangbang skank ?"

"Maybe!"

"That goes around calling people up while they're trying to stack shelves and bag groceries, 'hey Jamal, get some friends over, my tube's itchy again' ?"

"Hey, I just do it, I don't spend all day thinking about it and rubbing myself on the edges of furniture like a god damned house plant."

"House plant ?"

"I dunno, it just came out."

"You got me with the house plant. Alright. Ahem. Pleeeeaseeee forgiiiiive me, I know not what I do, pleeeasee believe me, I love you like I do. Dooon't denyyyy meee... This pain I'm..."

"Ok enough Miss Karaoke, you're making a scene."

"And you're afraid they might come over and one thing'd lead to another ?"

"Oh not this time. This time Ima be all 'Whatcha need my old used up ho ass fo, you got primo meat right here. She just lost her virginity, too!'."

"I thought we did it at the same party."

"I lost my anal virginity, bitch."

"Oh."

"Ha-HA!"

"Are you going to make me do things ?"

"When ?"

"When you're coming over this weekend."

"Oh yeah. Totally. And tell all the other wanna-be skanks you're inviting, too. I'm gonna be the queen bee, and you'll all scurry around and do my bidding and pedicure and everything like good Asian servant girls. Are we clear ?"

"Oh yes, totally!"

"And call me mistress."

"Yes, mistress."

"Actually better call me Almighty Omnipotent Great Skank-Archon Rachelia the Ist."

"Eh fuck you!"

"O yeah ?"

"Yeah! Mistress..."

"You'd better say it. Or else... I'm gonna tickle you."

"Shit."

"Let me hear you say it ?"

"Please mistress, tickling is no good."

"Almighty..."

"Almighty... Omm...Impotent... Grilled... Skank Tarragon."

"Well... at least it rhymes."

"Have you ever thought about someone making you take all your clothes off in the mall ? Like, you're seated at a table, in the food court, open all around for miles. And thousands of people walking by, and they say 'take of your shoes' and you have to. So you take off your shoes and they make you put 'em into this large shopping bag, and then they make you take off all your clothes bit by bit and put them all in there. And then they just stand up and leave with it. And don't come back or leave it somewhere or anything, no, they just put it in the trunk and drive away. And you're left there, 100% alone and completely naked in the middle of the mall."

"Wow."

"I think about it lots. Like, you wouldn't be allowed to run, or try to hide yourself at all. Have to walk slowly and only through the middle where most people are. And hands on your head, or behind your back, no covering at all with anything. And you'd have to shave first, of course, so everything is clearly seen. And pose for all the people with cameras. Even split your pussy up with your fingers so they can get the best view. And you'd have to practice lots and lots before going to bed in your room, with the mirror, how to best pose for all those people with cameras."

"Sounds like a lot of fun..."

"And then you'd have to eventually go to the bathroom. But you couldn't use the women's, you'd have to go to the men's. And there you're allowed to talk, you must say things like 'hello sir, would you like to... would you like... would...'"

"Put your hands where I can see 'em!"

"Sorry... mistress."

"I think you're a huge slut, you know that ?"

"Oh, no. I could never do anything like that. I just dream about it. But I could never..."

"Ah, that reminds me. So the party, right ? Remember Jerry played that film ?"

"The kinky one ?"

"Yes. 'Maid in Sweden'."

"Right."

"With the girl with really nice hooters that goes on a trip and they fuck her and then she comes back ?"

"Yep. I have that film tattooed in my brain."

"And the scene at the end, when they look at her nice dress with her friend that didn't go, and she says she could never wear it because all the men would be looking at her, and the slut tells her that's good ?"

"Yeah. That's what finally made me drag Ben into the bedroom and straddle him."

"Who's Ben ?"

"You know, the short guy fondling me."

"Hahaha, you had to drag him ?"

"O yeah. He was very tough at first, you know, kept whispering things in my ear like 'I'm gonna play with your breasts now and there's nothing you can do about it, clasp your hands tightly behind your back.' and kept threatening to make me take my top off 'in front of everyone' and not put it back on until the drive home, or maybe at my front door. 'After you ring the doorbell.' he even said. Oh my god he was making me so fucking hot and he didn't even know it. But then you know, when it came to doing it he turned all pale and kept asking stupid questions."

"Like what ?"

"'Oh are you sure you're ready' bullshit. He couldn't even get it up at all the first five minutes."

"Virgin."

"Oh, is it ?"

"Absolutely. 100% sign, if he's never done it before he gets scared and can't get it up."

"Damn. So that's why he kept following me around after."

"Hahaha yup."

"He never did anything, you know ? I had to suck it for like ten minutes to even get it up, then he came before even going in."

"Sounds about right. I hate boys."

"So then he wanted to cuddle, right ? And I was like, sure bitch, cuddle your face in my snatch right here."

"You sat on him ?"

"Yeah pretty much. Sorta played with his thingy now and again while he ate me out."

"Did you come ?"

"Nope."

"So then what happened ?"

"Eventually he got hard enough and I straddled him and it took. On like the third fucking pass."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

"It god damned was!"

"Wanna hear the best thing ? I told my mom..."

"You told your mom about the ...."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"So I told her, you know, that I told the guys I wasn't on birth control."

"You weren't ?"

"No, I was. And I didn't tell them anything like that, either. I just told her I told them."

"Why ?"

"I dunno, it just came out. So anyway, then I told her that because of that they only fucked me in the ass the whole time."

"They did ?"

"Of course not. Seven dudes, six hours, come on. What am I, made of Teflon (tm) (r) ?"

"Hahaha. No, you're made of Skankon."

"I'm sorry ?"

"I beg your mercy, great Mistress. Please do go on."

"She believed it."

"Your mom ?"

"Yeah. I don't think she's ever done it."

"Did she ask you if it hurts ?"

"Yep."

"Virgin. Totally."

"I know, right ?"

"Hahaha. So your mom never did it in the pooper huh."

"Did you ?"

"Uh..."

"I can't hear you, Miss Karaoke. Did you or did you not have a big fat delicious hunk of boy meat waaaay up inside you making your tummy shiver ?"

"I... I... Alright! I'm a butt virgin, okay ? I never took it up the ass."

"Ha!"

"But let me ask you this :"

"Yeah ?"

"Does it hurt ?"

"Ahahahaha."

"Do you have a dildo ?"

"Of course."

"Sucktion cup for the shower and everything ?"

"Yeah..."

"So I sometimes do myself in the ass that way. Does it count ?"

"Of course it counts."

"Alright then."

"Is it big ?"

"As big as you can get your fingers around. Isn't that how you're supposed to pick them ?"

"I don't know, I have a few different ones."

"That's what one coach once told me. She was a lezbo, and totally into me."

"I think they're totally into everyone."

"That one kinda was, at least, yeah."

"Anyway, you'll never meet a cock that thick on a boy, chances are. So shower counts more than bedroom for anal virginity."

"Oh really ?"

"Definitely. By the way, do you know what the best way is ?"

"What ?"

"So at the... event, right ?"

"Yeah ?"

"There was a really cute guy there..."

"The one with the novel ?"

"Huh ?"

"You know, the guy that said you should be a writer and publish a hojournal."

"No, no. Different one. Really cute. So towards the end they were all spent, just kinda wanted to sit around and chat. I was sitting in his lap, and rubbing his dick softly and slowly, and then I whispered in his ear that I want him to fuck me in the ass."

"Wow!"

"But what he did is, as I moved on top of him right ? I was with my back on him just sorta crouching on the couch there, and I slid his dick inside. But what he did was, once he was in, he stood up, holding me by my thighs. There I was, you know, splayed in full display with my knees far apart and his dick throbbing inside my butthole. And then he said 'who wants to stick it into this shameless whore' ?"

"Wow."

"'Come on, she's begging for more.' he said. 'Fill her hussy pussy up!' So they came and fucked me you know, while he was holding me up with his dick up my ass."

"Oh my god."

"That was the last round, you know, after that they pretty much took me home. But it was fucking incredible."

"Is it good, being so full ?"

"It's unreal."

"Hey, are you giving me a ride home ? I think my car might be out of gas."

"Well now. That all depends."

"On ?"

"You know what you have to do to ride in my car."

"Sure, I'll pick up the coffees. I got dad's card and all. Just don't want to put more gas on it is all."

"That's not it, honey bunch."

"What ?"

"I'm parked on level 3."

"Yeah ?"

"You see this shopping bag ?"

"Oh my god. Omygod omygod."

"That's right, baby doll. You're gonna skank up for the ride."

"What... what do I have to do ?"

"Take your shoes off."

"Oh my god."

"Into the bag. Come on, we don't have all day."

"I... I..."

"Off they go, little bitch!"

"The socks too ?"

"Nah, keep them. You look cute in ankle socks."

"Thank you mistress."

"You have a bra on don't you ?"

"Yeah ?"

"Into the bag."

"Do I have to take my top off first ?"

"Nah, work it under."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Do you have panties ?"

"Nah. I went commando."

"How come ?"

"I... I dunno..."

"Could it be because you're totally a slut waiting to be discovered ?"

"It... could..."

"Alright, knot your top under your tits to accentuate them. There you go."

"I look like a total whore don't I ?"

"Yeah, you kinda do. But don't worry, next time we'll also stop by the ladies room, touch your make-up a little."

"Oh my god."

"Now listen up, ho! Here's the plan : you go over and pay the bill. Make sure you flirt with the cashier, you hear ?"

"Yes mistress."

"Then you follow me to the parking elevator. Once the door starts to open, you understand, once it starts to open your top goes into the bag. I don't care if there's 500 people in there including your cousin Bob. Your top is in there before you even get a glimpse of the inside. Am I clear ?"

"Oh my god!"

"Am I fucking clear ?"

"Yes mistress."

"Then we see. Maybe you get fucked by a bunch of strangers in a mall elevator. I'll tell you when to take the pants off."

"Oh my fucking god. Oh my god."

"Then we walk to my car. The bag goes in the trunk. You'll maybe get it back when we're at your house. Maybe."

"W... y...."

"But I'll probably make you get out of the car and get it yourself."

"J...jesus."

"Are you ready to go ?"

"Y.... yesss. Yes Mistress."

"Alright. And remember, no hiding, anything. Not ever."

« The love/rape relationship

Beppo, adnotated »

Category: Cuvinte Sfiinte

Wednesday, 12 July, Year 9 d.Tr.

Logotron marketshare comparison

Check this out :

The data has been obtained through the age-old procedure of

cat log | grepi | wc -l

applied to each month.

The sample interval runs for 13 months, August 2016 - August 2017 (this last month is projected, through the procedure of multiplying by 2.5, it being the 12th).

Just thought you'd like to know.

———For "logs.bvulpes.com", "log.mkj.lt" and "btcbase.org/log" respectively. These strings don't appear as local urls, so it'd be all referrals. [↩]

« The famous roasted bird -> soup -> salata de boeuf transform

Glam punk »

Category: Meta psihoza

Sunday, 13 August, Year 9 d.Tr.

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshinei recounts the story of a deeply dysfunctional family that somehow nevertheless still manages to function. Let's see the elements.

The Grandfather got kicked out of the retirement homeii for snorting heroin. He explains it very plainly, "I'm old", and in that explanation he is entirely correct. That's what it's for. He also gives occasion to a surreal hardassery scene where he first snorts what appears to be cocaine, and then sits down to enjoy the wallpaper. Literally, what whore cracks and public speaking, the man's going to watch the wallpaper peel and fuck you. Ever heard of something that hardcore ?

The Father is completely batshit insane and substanceless to boot, an exact replica of the imbecile besetting Applegate in Vacation. He bought some indistinct flavour of the usual, archetypical UStardian religion-ideology-bigcitylernin' that principally consists of 1. never give up and 2. never shut up. Very feminine, these sad scraps of neo-neoprotestantism. All that's left after the assorted miners and goatfuckers in our New World colonies finally made them part of their misshod bodies. Obviously such a stunted approach leaves him wedged in most practical situations. He's also insufferable, on a personal note, I'd much prefer rapists and insane murderers to Americans as they are.

The Soniii correctly identifies the worthlessness of his progenitors, and while he's not inclined to set them on fire, he is inclined to forget about them. The scene where he finally breaks a year and a half of silence to tell his mother she is not fit to be related to him and to please get fucked already is just as much perfection as the grandfather's. Sadly it is played down for the needs of the viewer. Talk about censorship.

The Wacky Uncle is provided for comedic relief. The faggot actually imagines that there's a hierarchy of Proust experts in the US. He doesn't mean that there's one, accidentally stranded there briefly, Ovid something-or-the-other. No, he actually, literally pretends to believe that scarce soil and foul atmosphere produced something such as a hoven squarejaw capable of meaningfully reading Proust. What more can be said ?

The Wifemother (or sister-woman, if you're more familiar with the Williams terminology) is just there, that's about it. Scarcely worth the mention other than because were she absent it'd be noticeable.

The Daughter is a typical seven year old girl doing typical seven year old things. She's not unpleasant, but also not really worth wasting a name on just yet.

What these people proceed to do is go from Albuquerque to Los Angeles in one of those tiny, uncomfortable VW busses. Which breaks down, so they somehow find out about the clutch trick and keep parking it uphill. Except gramps dies, so they steal him from the hospital (excellent scene where the Clinton nigger gets bypassed -- and always remember, never EVER allow one of these uppity schmucks the last word!) and make it to some sort of pageant just about on time. So their daughter can play a striptease routine. The effect is rather strong.

The end.

———2006, by Jonathan Dayton, with Alan Arkin, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear. [↩]Whom he ineptly paid in a lump sum upfront. Who the fuck does something this stupid, if you want meat you're going to pay for meat upfront "for the rest of this life" and trust the butcher's going to thereby "cut his own throat" for your interest ? After you gave away all bargaining power ? Really ?

Just because you're the marrying kind doesn't mean the world now works that way. [↩]Yes, males come first. Because they do. Shut up and sit down. [↩]

« Yes Man

Being a sucker »

Category: Trilematograf

Monday, 13 February, Year 9 d.Tr.

Little Miss Pretty

Motto: lots and lots and lots of mommy-hos

nobody's ever said no to.

Rebecca de Mornay is this chick that looks intimidatingly pretty to some peoplei that's also done a ton, and I mean a ton of cinematic work during the lengthy, active career of a hardworking woman nobody's ever heard of. Because you had no idea who she was before you looked her up, right, never heard that name before, never seen that face before, never seen anything she was in, how the fuck on hellwheels is this even possible ?!

It's not, to get the ideological angle out of the way, any kind of problematic. To the best of my knowledgeii all her wraps consist of run-of-the-mill, lowest-common-denominator-chasing mainstream nonsenseiii, exactly, and I do mean exactly like Seinfeld's. She's about as funny, too, so why him ? Why not her ?

Why exactly would a pretty, driven, hard-working girl that didn't do drugsiv entirely and completely miss the mark ? Thirty years is a lifetime!

You know who Shannon Doherty is, right ? They were working at about the same time. The psycho junkie bitch from hell didn't do absolutely anything! What did she do ? What was she in ? Yet on the strength of that absolute zilch she got a meal ticketv in some parody about failed Spelling stars. Why is it A-ok to tongue in cheek Shan's utter failure but nobody can even mention Rebbie'svi cuz that'd be mentioning Reb which is just not done ?vii

I've been a collector of female failure for many years now ; you perhaps recall the discussion of Ellen Barkin. You certainly recall the passing mention of Maria Schneider for (her absence in) Caligulaviii. There's more, including the current piece. The good news is that collectingix is not entirely a waste of time : it sometimes provides one with the basis for the occasional theory!

I suspect the reason Rebecca de Mornay ended up stuck playing the role of obscure starlet irl might well be given in the motto.

Consider the mechanism here involved : she comes up in a world where they tell her that... that she's her own creature, right ? She's not brought up to be a slave, she's brought up to be a Master, even if limited to the dismal domain consisting of naught besides her unremarkable own frame crowned as it finds itself by her pretty blond little head. She's to make her own choices, and aside that : she's to act as if she is making her own choices. Even if she isn't. Even if she can't. Especially if she couldn't possibly. All the more so then!x

So in her formative years she runs into an actual Master, just like sheep have been running into rabbis ever since the dawn of timexi. The result of this encounter is going to be exactly what you'd expect -- but the remarkable part isn't that MP ain't gonna think much of Perianne Boring. Ofcoursehewouldn't! Why the fuck would he!

The remarkable part instead is that Perianne Boring ain't gonna think much of MP. So what if he's a big deal ? So is she! They've been telling her, and she's believed them. She's got a pair of hands just like everyone, doesn't she ? She's got a head on her shoulders, an' her gammy used to tell her it's a good head indeed, so why can't she organise her own life to be Your Fair Lady ? Why's she need professor what's-his-name for ?! She could do it as well as anyone.

While appealing in theory, this approach doesn't generally work in practice. Obviously. Yet sometimes it does work, and when it works what you get is Rebecca de Mornay. Some islands, bare rock in the ocean, afford the solitary intelligence cast upon them a painful but quick death. Starvation ain't pretty, but it doesn't outlast the month! Meanwhile the very few fertile islands are so very much worse : the solitary intelligence cast upon them will work the patch of soil to barely support their hunger, so that they can endure the torture longer, and after thirty years of toil...

There's a reason the convicted titan whose liver Zeus' raven picks is immortal. And so there you have her, little miss pretty, as smart as a whip and as confident as all get-up, locked in a solitary prison of "You go girl!", followed by a "Preferably as far away as possible while everyone gives no shits whatsoever kthx." coda muttered underbreath.

"Man is a social creature" doth not mean what you think it meansxii.

———Slightly albino blonde with sweet, round facial features sitting atop a clinically unremarkably proportioned female body. Why albinism-with-a-C-cup would look intimidating to anyone is an open question, but other than observing some are easily intimidated we could also offer in expiation that she's got some vague uncanny valley going facially, which men that really haven't seen all that many women could conceivably misidentify as some kind of beauty. [↩]I haven't reviewed her complete body of work. To my knowledge no single person has, outside of the author herself. Tempting as the flourish may be, the same can not be said of the author himself, tyvm. [↩]There's a "drama procedural mystery" in which she's a very successful lawyer that ends up stalked by a gigolo that's also secretly a serial killer. Admit it, on the strength of that one liner you'd want to see this obscure item with no-one in it, wouldn't you ?

It's not even a bad film, honestly, the quality of the writing is above par in being reasonably credible and reasonably free of inept Aesops and annoying plot holes, while the quality of the acting is certainly head and shoulders above what the current crop of "I used to work reading books for the blind but I've always thought myself an actress" Game of Thrones ninnies are capable of. And she's convincing, too, her depiction of "driven female that smells no beta whatsoever on the psycho and consequently can't stop herself opening her mouth and grunting sexually whenever his thumb's threatening around her neck and would dump her currently ensnared provider in a heartbeat too" is exactly true to nature.

Or there's the "woman joins FBI for quota, stays for merit, brings about changes" agitprop piece, as fine indeed as any propaganda work ever done by the best of them (I don't give names because they generally speak "foreign languages" and so "who's ever heard of them" rite). Everything's finely balanced, the "loser" girl she "teams up" with very convincingly pencilnecks without the use of eyeglasses as a prop, she wins a pizza eating contest through grossing out the 6 foot 5, 250 lb male competition like they're 12 year-olds in the establishing scene, there's quitting and there's chasing bad guys on a wing and a prayer and really, if any censor anywhere can find any fault whatever with this item I'll fucking eat it (or at the very least a pie baked to look like it).

Or there's the thing where she's an always-dressed hooker working (of her own free will! nobody owns her!) for a 19 yo Tom Cruise in one of those The Graduate coming of age flicks of the ~70s. That fished up an Oscar ; hers didn't. How come she wasn't in the one that got the Oscar ?

Anything and everything could in principle be said about Rebecca de Mornay, and some of it will even be true. All of it will be true before anything in the vein of her ever courting controversy or being in the slightest bit risque will be true. She just wasn't, at all. Exactly like Seinfeld and the guy everyone hates in Some Came Running, she's a Mainstreet America gal. [↩]Her first DUI arrest happened in her mid-50s, it was 0.1 over the 0.8 limit and she was "very cooperative" as teh SOPS involved do attest. [↩]She gets to say "you guys aren't even trying anymore, are you!" which is still one line. [↩]Hey, if Madonna can be Maggie why can't Rebecca be Rebbie, amite ? [↩]What, tell me you don't shorten the name of random hookers and assorted talent that's entirely not worth the overhead of the full item ? [↩]Retarded bitch got kicked off the set for doing utterly seamstress nonsense like sewing up the gowns they were giving her to wear so that people couldn't see her tits anymore. Cuz that's what you wanna see instead of tits, industrious she-thead or however you portmanteau she into shithead. [↩]You want a hard one to translate, there you go. [↩]And especially if she's pretty not-outright-ugly to the level of disability! Because "Holy hell girl, if you don't stand up for yourself, what hope do we have!!eleven!"

Makes sense, dunnit ?

Yes, that's right, they're trying to live off your own bone marrow, that's what the zombie "people themselves" are all about. Surprised ? [↩]It's easy to understand why rabbis wear the wooly beards now, isn't it ? Yes, they're trying to blend in with the sheep. See how Trilema clarifies and explains the infinity of the perceptible universe into well structured forms ? You're welcome! [↩]This is common in Greek. [↩]

« Family Business

King's Bounty - A Knight's Tale »

Category: Trilematograf

Tuesday, 19 September, Year 9 d.Tr.

Linda Vista Social Club

This is where I show you the view from my balcony and you guess where the fuck I am.

Ready ?

We begin!

Bonus [un]aiding shot :

Dun dun dun!

« Once upon a time in Cairo

Spurious graphs and such »

Category: La pas prin lume

Tuesday, 28 March, Year 9 d.Tr.

Let's revisit the Google-is-irrelevant discussion.

Back in 2014, we were looking at how google works for search -- and it turned out it... doesn't work for search. It hasn't improved hence, in any sense. On the contrary.

Earlier this year, we were looking at how google works for "added value" services, such as locating restaurants or other businesses -- and it turned out it... doesn't work for anything like that, either.i

Today I went through the 2017 traffic logs on Trilema. Here's the salient points :

Direct address / Bookmark / Link in email... 253,324,420ii 99.1 %

Links from an Internet Search Engine 1,428,425 0.5 %

Links from an external page (other web sites except search engines) 792,476 0.3 %

The Search is mostly Google, with a smattering of others. The external pages is mostly Facebookiii, with a smattering of others.iv

It could, of course, be said that some of those directs are simply privacy-conscious surfers that deliberately set up their browser to not pass referrerv, but then again all sorts of things could be said and have historically been saidvi. Moreover, I sometimes google to find Trilema articles in lieu of the more common "type in the first few letters"vii and while this is probably counted as a "google referral" it is in no possible way different from a direct. I can't possibly be the only one.

In any case, the moral that I see here is that the cattle internet consists of facebook & google in approximately equal proportions, and it doesn't matter anyway.viii

Does Google do anything else ?ix How about Facebook ? Because whatever it is they're doing... la vie, c'est ailleurs.

PS. There's no cloudflare, there's no google analytics, there's no https to force every pageload to call home @ fort meadex, there's no imported javascript, tracking pixels, foreign cookies etcetera on Trilema. I imagine it gives the NSA&friends hives that there's so much activity entirely outside of their crystal ball. A well!

———I mechanized another girl recently. She, being in the age range, immediately asked for a navigational aid in the shape of a smartphone. I told her that if she can prove utility, she can has her smartphone.

She proceeded to try, by going on google maps / driving directions / whatever and making detailed notes as to how to get to various places. On the three passes of this before I formally forbade her from ever visiting the god damned thing ever again, we enjoyed navigational mayhem in the sense of "turn left at the roundabout" / "wait, that was an UNADVERTISED roundabout, should have gone straight there, left at the NEXT one". How are you to know this ? The fucking point of the driving directions is that you don't ask these sorts of questions!

Each case was the same, unexpected 90 degree turns in the road that weren't in the notes (or on the map), "first left" that turned out to be third left, "second left" that turned out to be first, because no such thing as what the map purported to show exists in reality, and so following.

Each case was the same, I lowered the window, asked a local, and got us there with a navigational management burden of half a minute or less. She, with her worse-than-useless Google-powered navigational aids, spending upwards of an hour "preparing" useless notes that didn't match the field. At all.

In this one Californite's own experience, Google was worse than nothing at all. And yes, before you jump in, I'm sure it works for you. That's because you never go anywhere ; just like the "restaurant finder" works fine for you because you never eat out ; just like the great socialist state "works for you" because you uncritically assign all the good it had no part in creating to it and all the ill it actually created to imaginary racists, misogynists and other terrorists.

As far as your needs are concerned, as a poor-but-stupid rottinculo, the unsubstantial impression of shops and roads and knowledge and understanding, placed colorfully on the sides of a track you'll never leave, are absolutely sufficient. You're just ecstatic that your Matrix shows "Restaurant" or "Bar" or whatever printed on the sides of the cardboard box. You don't care that the door is not a door but just a painted image of a door because you weren't ever going to try and go in anyway.

It's very sad to be you, yes, but wake up and smell the coffee : your experiences carry no importance and offer no value! Not to you, and not to anyone! [↩]Various spammy shit like for instance the WP DDoS we keep discussing and Automattic deliberately won't fix (yes, it's fixed in MP-WP, use that instead of Automattic's crapolade) is not part of this figure, but counted separately. I served an extra 52,292,672 pages with 53,562,363 hits worth 852.62 GB to that sort of crap so far in 2017. (If you're curious, the large BW figure is due to my tendency to ban repeat offenders -- some IPs attempt to load /xmlrpc.php in excess of 100k times as part of the DDoS scheme -- which means they no longer receive the 54 byte error message they ignore but a soft 404 worth however many kb a Trilema page is worth. This does make them stop trying in a day or a week or whenever next the BW bill hits ; but there's of course other 17yo experts waiting in the wings and ready to pick up the slack. Kinda how sexuate reproduction works in the first place, amirite ?) [↩]I am not paying anything for the service. I tried that back in 2014 and well... [↩]No, Reddit is not visible in the pile. (And don't give me the "because it doesn't want to or try to" bullshit, there's about a hundred different reddit urls referring in.)

Neither is slashdot, ycombinator/hackernews, whatever other self-important "platforms". Their practical value is zero, I understand that the few unfortunate souls caught within the resonance room end up with confirmation bias convincing them their paper bag matters deeply, but reality diverges from this purely psychogenic hallucination. And yes it's true that twenty years ago they were a big deal. Not anymore, not for many many years now.

The principal non-Facebook "others" are actually various RSS readers. As for the logotrons : btcbase 3,576 ; mkj 314 ; bvulpes 278. (The methodology here used varies from last time, in that I simply took the first occurence rather than bothering to add all.) [↩]Or, for that matter, visitors from privacy-minded websites that set the rel="noreferrer noopener" attribute (which is why Fetlife, for instance, appears nowhere in the referral logs). [↩]Yes, back in 2011 Trilema direct traffic was moar like 40%. Times have changed, I guess, and besides the ESL is a lot more paranoid than his RSL counterpart. [↩]Did you know that trilema.com/lets-r actually resolves to this article ? You need the r because without it will resolve to the older one about idiots and Gavin. [↩]Consider that ancient point : why would you be happy to get a click through google ? If it's an old reader, google is irrelevant in your relationship. If he's a recommended reader, which means someone who already reads you sent him over, google couldn't be less relevant in the relationship. If he's neither, well... let's quote :

Moreover, of all the people interested in one particular topic, or niche, or segment, a vast majority already have a hierarchical structure of sources in their head. If you wish to hear the Republican talking points on the shutdown you don't go to google and type "please show me some representative Republican sites". You already know where to look, which incidentally makes Google significantly less useful in aggregate : sure it can send some visits, but the users it sends aren't representative of the Internet population. They're a selected group, and they're selected for cluelessness. Who would want to pay to be visited by more clueless people ? Some some sort of scammer, perhaps, like a patent toy vendor or something - unless you're selling cheap goods for massive mark-ups, google advertising makes absolutely no sense for you.)

And yes things have changed a lot around here since the million-a-month early days of 2014. Recall sponsoring 8chan in 2015 ? Recall the very many and numerous other things I can't be bothered to fish out ? Anyone want to assemble a list of all my great exploits online in the interval ? [↩]Don't you find the fact that Alphabet created "Artificial Intelligence" sorta capable to win a game of Go years ago but you've not heard anything of it since kind-of suspicious in the "you're fucked" vein ? [↩]Lmao, why did you think the whole "https everywhere" was being pushed ? Huh ? [↩]

« Integration is bad for Bitcoin.

MiniGame (S.MG), November 2017 Statement »

Category: Meta psihoza

Sunday, 03 December, Year 9 d.Tr.

Lethargy, part 6

It really should be a movie film.

« Do you understand how the world works ?

An Alan Smithee Film : Burn Hollywood Burn »

Category: Zsilnic

Tuesday, 31 January, Year 9 d.Tr.

Le Bal

Le Bali is a risky cinematographic gamble.

Consider : there's no hot women. Yes, there's women, but they're natural women (not in the conventional sense of faux natural, like "the girl next door" or so forth, deeply structured cinematic conventions of "naturalness") and thereby entirely sexually disinterestingii to the postmodern eye.

It goes further : there's no speech. And, to top it all : there's no story. At all. Nothing "happens" in any conventional sense. For that matter, the whole production is filmed in fixed camera, there's just one room, and the decors don't significantly change either.

This is then directly and evidently Anti-Hollywood ; uncompromising and deliberate avoidance of the modest proposal of the Americans (of all times and places -- "we know we can't be interesting but we'll at least be varied" is exactly how you translate MGM's "Ars Gratia Artis" in plain English, and for that matter how you say "common people" in any meaningful sense).

Ettore Scola spends a hundred and nine minutes to reconstruct a reactive Petri dish, inside which mannequins interpreted by modest, mostly obscure but hardworking actors move about like algae in the tide, without impetuus of their own. The deeply psychotic, utterly derealized substance of they soon-to-be-vacupacked is plainly on display. Incapable, for purely fundamental reasons, of any kind of meaningful interchange of any kind, let aside communication ; moving about brusquely and inadequately in response to purely hallucinatory stimuli (well epitomized by Nani Noel's solitary "dance"), the product of the greatest experiment in bioengineering to dateiii disinterests the eye.

There may be interest in the mind, in exactly the manner foul smelling, disgusting looking, mucus covering Petri dishes may be interesting to sense even when they're actively anti-interesting to the sense. But, as the expression goes, unless you're an entomologist this piece is really not for you.iv

———1983, by Ettore Scola, with various and the Praying Mantis Man (Jean-Francois Perrier). [↩]Yes, sexual interest is a purely conventional construct. What did you think, that "it's natural" ? It comes naturally, but only to children and animals. Otherwise, it's thoroughly constructed. The failure to construct correctly may therefore be uninteresting to they interested in a different construction ; but the failure to construct at all can only be properly said to be disinteresting. [↩]Yes, the whole "French revolution" and subsequent debacle was an isolated episode in human history, "what if we let them to their own devices". The response is exactly of the nature of that provided by Obama to a similar, muchly smaller question.

Never again, you understand me. While the memory of what "a dictature of the tiers etat" means and does lasts, never-a-fucking-gain. [↩]It's even mildly dangerous, in the direction of ridicule, if you find yourself trying to argue the stinky green gelatin is somehow "not offending your senses" for the transparently obvious political reason. [↩]

« Cezar Petrescu -- File dintr'un caiet de amintiri : Mateiu I. Caragiale

JSM, Bomba de Costa Rica »

Category: Trilematograf

Wednesday, 08 November, Year 9 d.Tr.

Late to the party. As usual.

There are, I recently realised, two equal halves of the ideology of The Dreamersi.

One is the very evident "I was raped because I think I was raped, and the fact that I was asking for it, through being in that place, through being in that state, through being what I am don't enter into it!" with all its many plurious forms, from "I am transgender and transgender is a thing to beii because I think so" all the way to "I think I know how to spell my own name".

All this is nonsense, obviously, but that's not a major consideration hereiii. Nature will dispatch all nonsense in the natural workings of its natural workings, but a discussion of nonsense needn't necessarily be concerned with that. What interests us is classification, we're discussing not acting, gnosis not ontos, and therefore all we ever do is classify ; and the bread and butter of classification is the finding of the superior nodeiv.

Evidentlyv the superior node of all this is the subjective-objective equivalency, which is an act of fiction. That things are as they appear is the poisonous formulation of modernity ; that one can make things be through thinking is the quaint formulation of antiquityvi ; but in either case, be it suspension of disbelief as the fundament of all literature (a fictive world) or magic as the fundament of all things (an imagined world), the subjective-objective equivalency saves one the pains and toils of the alternative.vii

So that's what the girls do, feelings above the speed of light, shame on them for ruining civilisation amirite ?

Not quite. Because before the girls started with the inept "I think and therefore it is", way before, many decades before, the boys started with "hell no, I won't go". Does he need to go ? Perhaps, or maybe not, but the idea is that the need doesn't matter : he doesn't want to go, and that should prevail. The need-want equivalency doubles, underbreeches and precedes the girls' version.

Why exactly would children and slaves have a say in the content of their own education ? Clearly they're fundamentally incapable of meaningful speech on the topic, they don't know what they don't know, education can always ever be abuse and naught else. From washing to Math 601, nothing comes naturally, it's all forced and imposed. And, if you bother trace this towards its roots, it definitely ends up touching on the romantic idea of love! Centuries prior!

Really, you get to pick a girl to love ? In what alternate world this is how it goes ? Your grandfathers living one or three centuries ago on that same plot of land bought a girl, sight unseen, for a pile of tobacco leaves. Other people in other places were one way or another introduced by the adults, "this is your wife, she's not supposed to be interesting to you, she's important and you're supposed to force yourself to be interested".

You have no friggin' idea what the adult human female even looks like anymore, do you ?

Let's quote a little Ballas :

This works in reverse, too, take a field traditionally XX-only, like nursing, and, huh, what do you know-- at the time where nursing is more powerful than it has ever been, there are also more XY in it than ever. But who made it more powerful? It wasn't nurses. And if you're playing that game, ask if the reason "sexy nurses" as a fetish dropped out somewhere around the 90s had nothing to do with females finally getting control over their sexualization but exactly the opposite, men came in and unsexualized the joint.

The girls are late to the party. By the time they figured out there's a dream machine going that could perhaps finally make their few, modest aspirations into a modest, delicate, frail reality... that dream machine was going for a good century+, turning out ton-and-a-half bricks of sheer insanity. By the time the first girl extended a hesitating hand to stick a hot dime into the dime slot, the dream machine was already shaking and trembling on its last legs, beyond all possible fix or repair.

I don't suppose this makes the fantasy of one any less fantastic than the fantasy of the other, but seriously now... say a prayer, if you will. Say a prayer for the poor, for the meek, for the late to the party.

And when they finally collapse in a pile of their own exhaustion, buried under the rubble of "civilisation" as it had to be redefined because you decided illusions are by their nature sweet... it'll not have been their fault.

———There's a four-part bit of... fiction, let's call it, that I published last year. It starts objectively with The Next Generation, then it bifurcates in an objective-subjective pair (The Dog and The Darkening respectively) and then jocularily closes with The Chosen. The series was originally constructed for that joke in the 4th panel, or rather I should say "the author, recognizing a vein of very powerful fiction and not being inclined to put the work into realising it, corked it with whatever he had at hand, in this case light comedy". As time went by the relative irrelevance of the butt made the cork fall away, and now I'm stuck with the very radioactive (because they're so very on point) metaphors at the core. What can I do ?

I might continue it sometime, though honestly I don't feel like it. Until then, you get references. [↩]Yes, quite that far, it aims to create both the locus and the status at the same time! [↩]God knows it's discussed ad nauseam both on Trilema and in the logs. [↩]Because all knowledge comes in trees, and languages aren't dictionary lists but graphs and so on. [↩]Evident though magicks I shan't go into here. [↩]This is inaccurate, we could for the same money propose one to be Greek (ie Aryan!) and the other Semite on the basis of Menin, aeide Thea versus Mattehu vayhi letannin.

In any case, the other kind of magic meanwhile became science, which is exactly why everyone seems to perpetually expect science to satisfy their magical needs, from "AI" to "anthropogenic hockey sticks". Whatever be the topic, did you know that some-british-shamans ? [↩]If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed will have to come to the mountain, won't he ? And the sandals break and the feet blister and the flesh screams under whip and toil. Wouldn't it have been so much better had the mountain come ? I ask you, don't you think so ? [↩]

« Antique Retrocinations

The scum ; and its hopes, dreams and aspirations ; and their effects »

Category: Gandesc, deci gandesc

Wednesday, 18 January, Year 9 d.Tr.

Las Moiras

As noted in the logs, hanbot found a cool place : the cabaret-restaurant Las Moirasi.

The visit produced various amusements, experiences et cetera ; as well as some visual remembrances which we shall store below (not included, the basis for the newest Trilema header).

Squeeee!!!

The painter guy is painting. Problem ?

He's not half bad, either. Young an' bright, I'm sure he'll make it (unless they hang him first).

Flamenco troupe. Remember Flamenco ? Tis big in Costa Rica, what can I tell you.

The junior dancer (blondy) is actually a lot more precise in her timing than the senior, which is always a good sign.

Anyway, so I guzzled Flor de Cana by the bucket, had wine icecream and generally speaking a jolly good timeii, ceea ce va doresc si voua.

———I asked the owner if she knew what they were, and she answered like a good girl called to the blackboard : las moiras fueron tres brujas de la mitologia griega in one breath. Not bad, wouldn't you say. [↩]In retort to mischieving untruths perpetuated by certain parties : San Jose is one tenth the size of Buenos Aires, yet enjoys ten thousand times the night life of that odorous shithole. Ceterum autem censeo Argentines are subhuman apes, unfit for living. [↩]

« Piinea si pizda

The gypo singer, the whorish language, and the remains of their encounter. »

Category: Zsilnic

Friday, 12 May, Year 9 d.Tr.

Largo al factotum della citta, della citta, della...

The landscape around here is full of haciendas. Ever wonder what that means ?

The word is interesting in that its etymology is quite instructive. It has a lot in common with factory, an English word meanwhile embezzled by the Industrial revolution to denote... What does it mean ? The place where things are made, yes ? It meant about the same before, back when a factory was the place where the factors (ie, agents) gathered, to pile up and crudely process the furs they bought from the native hunters, some four or five centuries ago. Brewers -- brewery, cantors -- chantry, factors -- factory. Makes sense, dunnit ? Or at least it would make sense if English speakers went to school or in any other manner acquired the faintest inkling of the sense their language used to make before they started speaking it.

If you speak Romanian that etymology is readily transparent, eu fac, a face, facerei, hence factory in English notwithstanding that their rendition of facio, facere is fragmented and consequently poorly expressed. Perhaps the eventual failure of the angloempire was foretold in their poverty of expression ? Could anyone have guessed that a people who so poorly understands facere will collapse under a pile of misconstrued agency, will end up buried in its own inadequacy of agency ?

Spanish has no such problem, hacer, hecho exactly mirrors the original Latin (if you've got serious speech disorders -- like Spanish speakers certainly do) and consequently hacienda, the place where things are made. Except where the English factory migrated towards production under pressure from industrialization, the Spanish hacienda migrated towards living, under practically the same pressure. The old Latin household, in which the male slaves laboured and the girl slaves sucked cock has split according to the proclivities of the barbarian inheritors : in English they're all male slaves who labor, in Spanish they're all female cocksuckers. See how much geopolitical "evolution" fits compressed in some simple linguistic considerations visible, like the oak's first two leaves, in nucet centuries ago ?

As you might imagine, a hacienda is different from an encomienda. This latter item, transparently derived of the same word that yielded economy denodesii a grant by the Crown to a colonist in the New World, with the right to extract tribute in materials or labour from the Indian natives. How is this different from the factory then ? Oh, right, it's different through the nature of the extraction -- encomierdas own the slaves outright, whereas the factory is merely entitled to what it may wrest from the slaves through exploiting their natural stupidity. A difference apparently more important than meets the eye, seeing how hard washing the factory slave of the factory implements turns out to be in practice.

The only thing new in this world are your unwarranted hallucinations of identity and self-determination, for the record.

———I do/make/act, to do/make/act, deed/makings/act[ion|ivity]. [↩]It's a misspelling, right ? I mean denotes. Or do I mean denudes ? Which! WHICH DO I MEAN! [↩]

« Qntra (S.QNTR) April 2017 Statement

MiniGame (S.MG), April 2017 Statement »

Category: Trilenciclopedia

Monday, 01 May, Year 9 d.Tr.

King's Bounty Reloaded - Mages Still Rule

I reviewed this title a few years ago ; apparently it's made it to the list of games I play now and again, which is no small feat.i

I played on Impossible difficulty this time around, [almostii] all the way with a (Chaos, Demonic) mage and all the way to beating Baron Ahey with a pure might (no spellcasting, at all) knight. Here's some discussion for the minimaxer powerplayer :

1. Evade. You will be doing a lot of evading ; learn how to do this properly early on. The test of competence is whether you can recruit Knights / Horsemen before your first promotion (which is to say, while they're still somewhat useful).iii. This never quite goes away, as a mage you absolutely wish to visit the underworld as soon as you can lure the bat away from the book. Use the boat, go through to the Dragon's Caves, there's at least 4 magic absorbers laying about, not to mention all the runes and other goodies, and all you do is evade, evade, evade and then evade some more.

2. The Pump. For a mage, Chaos + Distortion maxed and Succubi are absolutely mandatory. The reason is what we'll affectionately call The Pump. It consists of casting Sacrifice (which routinely resurrects 5ish Dragons or the equivalent, dozen-and-a-half worth of Demons, 3-4 dozen Succubi etc) on "friendly" troops carved out of the enemy army. The Succubus Charm and the Hypnosis spell are very helpful here. The spell is expensiveiv so whenever the Succubus can lure some unfortunate Elf / Druid / etcetera you're goldenv. It is easy to underestimate the power of this combination, but consider that I don't recruit armies to put in my reserve slot, I just go into easy battles with a single Demon in a stack and then feed the stack out of the souls of all who oppose me.vi Everything about the mage revolves around The Pump ; you want to get it going as early as possiblevii, you want at least 150 manaviii, you want all the mana-generating artefacts you can find etcetera.

The pump will make you positively love any bit of enemy army that has lifeblood in itix. Snakes, spiders, werewolves, it dun matter any. Stuff that has mind immunity (Archmages, Beholders) and the Undead are all terrible - no Hypnotize means no Sacrificex. Here's some cold hard math : all troops for sale start at about 2g per hit point, like the Barbarians and whatnot.

Lord Mircea casts the spell Sacrifice. Target (Miners) suffers 5400 points of damage. 270 is killed. The hero increases his troop of demons by 18.

270 miners cost 10`800 gold to recruit. 18 demons would cost the same 10`800 gold, however they're not really that abundant (whereas the Miners come in "Horde" ie infinite supply). While items to suppress last you'll always have a flow of fights at your disposal, which means you can always produce more Demons no matter what. This is important.

The other side of The Pump is that the Demonic Mage wins all battles, no exceptions. All you have to do is visit a castle, get a large enough stack of demons into your slot, and then attack the target. Your Succubus moves first, and what she does is she teleports the triplesecxi stack in the middle of the enemy. That's it and that's all, time to say goodnight. This simple procedure allowed me to beat up Xeona way before I even rescued Violetta ; also tore Baal apart for a sweet 13`057 experiencexii and a (by then irrelevant) 60k in cash.

The Pump will also make you hate Black Dragons in your ranks, because they can't be resurrected. I know I ditched them after a coupla battles, in spite of spending 100k to recruit them in the first place.

3. Xeona. Absolutely, no doubts about it, Xeona is the only wife worth having. For one thing, she has two weapon slots. This means two Archmage staves, if you wish, for +10 Intxiii, which blows the frog princess' +3 way the hell out of the water. For the other thing, if you swing that way, she has superb babies in her, including +20% Leadership and +20% Attack. For the third thing, as a caster you absolutely want to play with demonsxiv.

But all those considerations aside, she's sexy as all hell, and I don't just mean the way she looks. Her dialogue screams "this is a gal you wish to keep" from day one, I never felt as at home in a computer game. Imagine a very surprised Dwarven engineer in Mehgard trying to explain something about stolen keys and the perils of demons only for the very submissive pain slut to interject that she has the key, and is very pleased to have been able to serve.

The correct way of defeating her (early, of course, that's the whole point of life) is above : oversized stack, use the Succubus to teleport them in the middle of the enemy where it won't matter that they're berserk for being over leadership limit. The method may seem expensive, but trust me -- the demonic slut's worth every penny.

4. The winning army for the mage is : Emerald Dragonsxv, Succubixvi, Demonsxvii. The other two slots can be anything, though the Necromancers are probably a solid choice for one and Cyclops, maybe Evil Eyes or Archdemons work in the other.

5. Direct Damage. Useful mostly in early game, see what you can get, Fire Rain, Ice Snake, maybe even Fireball are worth maxing ; the Mist, Arrow and Poison Skull probably not. Definitely get Geyser (quest reward), it's helpful when stuck with fire-resistant mobs. Generally your aim as a mage is to move away from DD and into The Pump as soon as possible.

6. Learn how to play. Here's a didactic exercise : magic-valley-1

Correct play (select to reveal) :

Round 1, fire rain on left werewolves, fire rain on right ghost (202 stack). Wait everyone except the giant runs and stomps. Demon goes to face ghost, casts pentagram in front of werewolf and summons in front of werewolf. Cyclops hits the 179 werewolf stack. Dragon goes in front of giant and drags the now 162 werewolf stack. Succubus defends.

Round 2 : hypnotize both ww stacks, wait succubus. Dragon goes in between ghosts and sources mana. Summoned demon attacks the 116 ghost stack ; your own demon does the same. Hypnotized wolf runs next to succubus. Hypnotized werewolf runs to corner of map (away from you). Giant defends. Cyclops fights the small stack of ghosts that befuddle him. Succubus Infernal Exchanges the distant werewolf for the large stack of ghosts.

Round 3 : sacrifice the wolf form ww and get 36 succubi! If I didn't suck and had the skill you'd sacrifice the other stack also and get 36 MORE succubi, but as it is we'll have to use her heart on them later on. Dump Chargers. etcetera.

THIS is how the pros play. Yes I lost a giant and probably will lose a dragon, or if not some demons. Guess what, the fight prior I had made 3 giants and 3 dragons. This fight I make ~70 succubi, on top of the 13.5k gold and the 2256 experience. The gold difference between 70 succubi and the 1 giant + 18 demons I ended up losing is about 25k ; and bear in mind that this was a hard battle because we started with low Succubi stack. Pumping up a low Demon stack with a full Succubi stack is way easierxviii.

If you've passed that, here's another : quicksave1. Win it. I have.

As far as the knight is concerned : you want all level 1 archers if at all possible. Thorn Hunters do 1-2 damage base ; Skeleton Archers as high as 1-3.xix In general for the knight the damage/leadership ratio is the name of the game, as your hero's attributes will substantially increase the actual damage output of low level units.

The only drawback is that there's no way to reliably source them in the sort of quantities you actually need (being small means you will have losses, and they add up). Bereft of The Pump, you are facing the very real sadness of not being able to provide yourself with army of your choice. There's just not that many thorns around, and even fewer skeletons.

What's infinitely worse is the idiotic tendency of the game to fake hardness through the boneheaded withholding of artefacts. While I played mage I couldn't obtain anything with +Int on it ; once I started a warrior run every single shop has nothing but +Int and +Mana, they've given me piles upon piles of stuff my Mage'd have absolutely killed for, but to this guy are entirely useless. This really killed the whole thing for me, playing Impossible is supposed to give you better loot, not worse for chrissakes. Add to this the difficulty of sourcing the army of your choice and well... as I said, I lost interest in the Knight just about the time you get sent to the Dwarf King.

It could be said that the game is balanced, in the sense that the Knight gets about 60% more army than the Mage, which makes all the very strong and overpowering stacks of mobs slightly weaker and match. I have my doubts as to how well this works, but probably well enough provided you're willing to stick to the Human armies. Boring but stolid, what can I say.

Some random advice :

The level up rolls are independent from the general entropy pool (meaning that even if you save right before levelling, you still won't be able to get a different choice to get out of an annoying "should mage get +1 Attack or +1 Defense" dilemma).

Don't learn all the bullshit spells ; they just clutter up the spellbook making spell selection tedious.

Try and upgrade the items you intend to use as soon as feasible, because the armies you encounter seem to scale with your level. Exponentially.

It should be mentioned that the writing quality is utterly superb. For instance, at some point going through the pirate heaven some dude approaches you asking for a tax... to keep the water clean. Because the sea's clean, right ? But whenever you wash your ship you throw the garbage overbosard! So that's why you gotta pay. And if you ask him whether the sea will get cleaner by your payment he literally doesn't get what you mean. And then you grapple his vessel and send it to the bottom of the sea. I never cast Fire Rain with such gusto in my whole life.

Here's an excerpt from the quest of the adorbs stone :

Waaaait... Traaaaveller...

Wow... Am I being spoken to by a stone or is there something I can not see ?

I.... The Stooone.... Teel youuuu

Beee so kiiind.... Gooo to the Maaaagic Schoool.... Aaaaask.... There was a yooooung maaage... He diiiid not enchaaant me to the eeeend... Dooo not waaaant to beee an oooordinary stoooone... Leeet him fiiiiinish whaaat waaaas beeegun....

Ok, I'll go, it's not far. I'll ask them how to help you.

...

Yooou .... Muuust knooow ? Hooow to tuuurn into somethiiiing but the stooone ?

Be warned that there is a bug, most visible when visiting the Western Islands central cave -- if you unload from the boat straight into the teleporter you will not be able to go back into the boat without also teleporting, resulting in a boat inside the cave which can only land and no way off the island for you, which ends the game right there. And while on this topic : careful when exiting conversation abruptly (using ESC or the x on the dialog window) because some quest givers (most notably Enemen in the cemetery) end up in an irrecoverable broken state and you lose out on their rewards.

PS. The #1 thing you can do to improve your score, if you care, is never take any transportation you don't have to. This usually means -- take the Creiston tunnels to Kordar. The dirigible eats 8 hours ; the walk maybe one and a half. Score is 4 * (100-days used), to which bonuses apply for your hero level and finished quests. Three dirigible trips means 4xx less points base, which will reduce your score by about 6-9 depending how intensively you quest. There's nothing you can do to offset this.

PPS. If you get hit with the Adobe Flash crash bug (sprites for your character and enemies do not display ; you appear like a ghost consisting of the sadle and horse's tail floating in the air and so on) the foolproof fix is to switch the graphics mode (from the game options) to a different resolution AND refresh rate. Then switch it back. The underlying cause is that Adobe Flash manages to put the card into a broken OpenGL mode, which prevents loading of textures. The indicated ministration resets the mode.

———Really, if you've never played it, do. [↩]Boredom struck after defeating the big ogre guy and right between the final battle. I dunno, the "pile of a dozen of each top level unit" seemed stale, somehow. Too much of a "kitchen sink" flavour to it, I guess. Anyway, not like the battle'd have been all that hard, not for my guy. [↩]To do this, you first defeat the bears, and then lure the Archmage group away from the tent on that side path on the way to Arlania. The guys will only chase you if you're at most two squares away and move with just about your speed, so to get past them you have to click very precisely at the right time about half a dozen times in a row. It's not a big deal once you get the hang of it -- but you must get the hang of it. I don't mean "to play this game", I mean "to use computers". At all. [↩]30 mana at level 2. You want it at level 2 for a long while because it's just equal in size to your Sacrifice damage. As you level up your guy you might consider getting it to level 3, in some cases you can hit a Hypnotized group with two Sacrifices, which is nice. Whether the extra 10 mana it costs is worth it or not is a complex calculation best left to the individual operator. [↩]She's fabulous also because she can subdue some stacks you can't touch with your Hypnotize, although in principle Mind immune units resist her. [↩]As an entirely not needed bonus, if for some reason you absolutely wish to obtain immense sums of gold (such as for instance in order to power the Dwarf King's son's machinery to get you more skill runes) you can create a humongous army through slowly building up reserves in this manner, then lose it in a battle and bam, the king will give you literal millions to "help with the effort" (what he gives you when you die is based on your total army, so if you lose a huge one you get a pile of cash). [↩]Get Chaos to level 3 first, the direct damage spells help early on. [↩]Talk to the Dwarves until you get your 7 allowable snacks, that's a sweet +14 mana you absolutely want. [↩]Speaking of which, harvesting the Griffin Island for Succubi is one of the finer delights of the life of the Demonic Mage. Do not ruin this by fighting them early. [↩]Speaking of which, many Elves also have a very obnoxious gender immunity to your demonic lures -- why the fuck would a Dryad not fall into the wicked lures of my Lilith anyway ?! But even so, she's very useful because things like Cannoneers you can't Hypnotize but she can seduce. [↩]Demons are ideal because they're heavy infantry with a heavy axe hit, and Furious to boot. 150 Demons allowed me to take Karador without breaking a sweat -- most of the fighting consisted of me chiseling the stack of 100 or so remaining Demons into the 62 I was legally allowed to have at that time. I've yet to see a battle where I need more than triple the normal stack, hence the Triplesec designation. [↩]Killed 147 Cerberi, 892 Fire Spirers, 806 Scoffer Imps, 396 Succubi, 1484 plain Imps and 15 Archdemons. Do the math, that's like 50k hp a stack. [↩]I said I didn't think 42 is possible before. I was wrong. [↩]The way this works out is that caster will focus on Int and Mana thereby neglecting his Attack and Defense. This means units with high native Attack and Defense (such as higher level units) are a good match.

The warrior goes exactly the other way : not focusing on Int or Mana means he will have large Attack and Defense, which means he can pump the immense basic attack of low level units into insane actual damage. My level 10 Knight routinely did 5-6k damage with the Thorn Hunters stack, for instance. [↩]For the mana drain thing ; coupled with their other no-retaliate strike you can generally hit without retaliation five out of six times. [↩]For Charm and Infernal Exchange (teleport). Otherwise they're physically frail. Nice sprite though. You should probably keep the red ruby ring for a nice morale boost for them. [↩]High hp, high damage, summon is nice too. Always retaliates, which is superb for a meat shield. [↩]But not more pecuniarily productive. They cost but 600 to recruit yet because of their higher HP (200 to Succubus' 80) I only raise ~14 at a time. [↩]Before obtaining the Crown of Blackthorn the skellies are your best archers ; afterwards the thorn's 1-2 turns to 2-4 and well... [↩]Playing impossible, yes ? [↩]

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Category: Trolloludens

Thursday, 09 February, Year 9 d.Tr.

King's Bounty - A Knight's Tale

I was saying last time that

I played on Impossible difficulty this time around, [almost] all the way with a (Chaos, Demonic) mage and all the way to beating Baron Ahey with a pure might (no spellcasting, at all) knight

I finally found time for a continuation, past Baron Ahey. Everything I said there goes, as far as the early game.

Moving on past Creiston Mines, it becomes painfully apparent the pure Might player does not really have an equivalent of the Mage's Pump. Sadly as that may be, c'est la vie. He does however get significantly more Leadershipi. Because army supply is such a paramount consideration, the Knight's gameplay entirely centers around taking over castle Necrocom as soon as possible. Once you do this, Violetta the Elf comes back out of her trance ; but most importantly Greenwort supplies switch to infinite Knights, Guardsmen, Swordsmen, Bowmen, Priests etcetera.

It may seem that there are other viable options for the Might player, besides the Human units. This appearance is readily dispelled if we consider them one at a time :

Yes you could play Demons, just like the mage. After all you do get the +3 everything girl ring, which works on Succubi just as well for you as it does for him ; and then Demons are just as mean in your ranks as they are in his -- except meaner, and you get more of them. Yet... The main problem is that unlike the mage you can't pump the stacks. This conspires with your needing larger stacks to begin with to leave you stranded -- the apparent advantage of larger Leadership is actually rather flimsy, and readily flips over into the disadvantage of being stuck selecting Horde-level availability units only.

You could marry the Elven princess and use Elves. There's a large number of female units among the elves, which allows you very high morale (same Agna's Ruby). The problem is that the Elvish units are kinda flimsy and don't really interoperate as well as the Human fare. Elf Knight is certainly playable, as you get usable Hordes, but I daresay it's a pain in the ass for no real benefit.

You could go all Necro. There's massive Black Knight / Necromancer / Skeleton Archer / Ghost etc supplies throughout the map, if you're careful to not wasteii too many Archers in the mid gameiii. There are some mild advantages your Knight skill tree provides for this approach even. Still, for all the cool factor your army is fragile and poorly suited for the Dragon-heavy late game, not to mention you miss out on the morale bonuses, which is utterly terrible.

You could try playing Dwarf. The major advantage of the high level archers is significant, both Cannoneers and Alchemists can stand up to a lot of rough play and besides they get no melee penalty. Gerda will provide you a little morale, even. The problem is your low and high level units are terrible -- there's really no place under the sun for either Miners or Giants. What are you going to do, play with three stacks out of five ?!

Animals are a fine option throughout early and middle game, because of the 100% bonus to thorns damage crown and the 50% bonus to spiders damage belt -- not to mention the fully upgraded Druid Staff doing a further 50% for all animals. Such as you know, Beholders, Evil or otherwise. You are very much advised to use these into the ground, especially because your Hero's attack and defense bonuses have a disproportionate effect on the lower level units (which provide so little in the way of attributes of their own) ; but no matter how careful you are eventually you will run out of Thorns, and then of Spiders (especially the really good Fire ones you can buy by the thousand in Hell). And then it'll be time to move on, too soon to even notice the serious problem of absent Morale boosts.

Now consider the Humans against all that :

You get extra skills from Training, including the useful Fire arrow for Archers (some things, such as Ents, are very vulnerable), the very useful Smashing Blow for both Swordsmen and Guardsmen, which pretty much doubles their damage every other turn, and then the utterly mindblowingly useful Circle Attack for Knights. This alone is a discussion ender, are you kidding me, hurt everything all around, not even limited to three slots like the Pirates ? So every time a weak unit sits next to some scary Dragon you can attack it and cut the Dragon stack while avoiding retaliation altogether ? And if you're surrounded you deal triple, quadruple damage even ? Good god, it can't be passed on, this wonder.

You get 20% more army just like that. Iron Fist and Bowmen Commander take some time to max out, but once you do max them that's an extra 3 to 5k Leadership right there, ie about twice what you'll get out of all your artefact pile. Just as much of a discussion ender as the previous item, really.

If you play your cards rightiv, which means not killing the weird zombie guy too early, and getting a proper wife (such as for instance the Dwarf mustachio model girl) you can end up with two Marshal's Batons. That's 2k Leadership between the two of them, sure, but also +2 Morale for Human troops. That's right, they stack. I don't expect this is intentional, we probably find ourselves well into game-breaking territory here, which I guess would make this a third discussion ender (and as close to a candidate for a Mage's Pump equivalent for Knights as can be devised).

Guardmen give Swordsmen and Bowmen a boost of morale, while Knights carry it naturally. This, together with the Batons means you'll have 3 units at High (+30% attack, +30% defense, 2x as many Criticals) and the other two at Good (merely 20% attack, 20% defense and 1.5x as many Criticals). As one of those two will be (I'm guessing) Inquisitors and as they can't get criticals when resurecting, which is their principal utility anyway, you're really not missing out on all that much! Considering my Knights have 63 attack and 58 defense (out of the 27/27 native) which is to say above Black Dragons I'd say this Morale thing is well worth it, even before factoring in the criticals (and with any luck you get the 20% more criticals weapon too, making the whole thing a gory fiesta).

So that just about settles it : you want Human units, and the path to unlocking the supplies is through conquering Necrocom. This is perfectly feasible for a level 15, but you will need some specific supplies :

You must have a stack of Succubi. This is a deal breaker.

You must have one overpowered stack. This is also a deal breaker.v

It'd be nice to have Black Hole, because there's so many enemy stacks there. You might get by without it.

It'd be nice to have Ice Orb, because the 20`000 HP crystal is very vulnerable to a long straight line. Ball can take it out in two tries, it's a life saver especially if your army was marginal and the battle ran long.

These arrayed, your strategy is very simple : have the Succubivi teleport your overpowered unit in place of the Necromancer unit. The rest of the battle consists of your pounding the living daylights out of the Necros with your remaining four stacks outside the barricades, while your single solitary overpowered unit wreaks havoc inside the castle. Griffins are particularily well suited for this -- because they retaliate to every melee attack they can flatten the whole garrison in a couple of turns.

The overpower factor should be about 2.5x to 3x, which means you will be spending about 200`000 to 300`000 gold pieces on this army, so start saving up. Don't go too crazy with it either, because the whole idea is for the defenders to whittle your stack back to your own control before everything else you have dies out. If the ronin stack is too large they won't be able to do it and they you'll find yourself facing your own, bought-and-paid-for units kill your remainder and deliver the victory to your enemies.

It's very easy indeed to get to Castle N : from Violetta's funhouse take the bridge right (not left) into Great Forest. On your right side there's a bookvii, guarded by some unit but there's a circuit available so you can run in no problem (hit the Rage fountain on your way in, you want maxed Rage anyway). Once in you have to duck another guard, which is again easy, keep to the left on the beach side while the going's good and then go right by that wishing well and up the hill into the large cemetery. That's it, avoid the last guard in front of the castle (and the bats before, though they're not hard) and listen to commander what's his name deliver his final orations.

In general the Knight absolutely wants well over 100 Rage, maxed out Rage generation and usage skills for well developed Rage Spirits and the Crown of Blackthorn installed. If you're lucky enough to get the Pain Skull (Rage equivalent of the Mage's Mana Predator) you're doing great already. In any case the Black Hole does 1`500 damage to all enemies, which very much includes Dragons, even those immune to magic. This can sum up to a solid 10-15k over a large enough enemy. Soul Draining can be trivially upgraded to 40-50%, meaning you can hit an oustandingly large stack for another 10, maybe even 20k of damage. This pretty much beats the Mage in pure DOT terms, and we're not even done, the Ice Orb can easily hit those pesky gremlin towers for 10k+ on a critical hit. Yum. Glot's Armor is also very much worth the mention, because it will absorb one hit, no matter how strong it is -- so you can protect the retaliation tank with it. Fire isn't worth bothering with past the early game, where it does hit Mage types pretty hard and there's often no better alternate options for it.

So decked and arrayed, the Human Knight is a paragon on the field -- two heavily armored infantry units plus a very heavy infantry backed by a stack of Archers and a stack of Inquisitive resurrectors construct what's essentially a model Cuisinart. You'll be blending enemy units like nobody's business.

Have fun!

———Speaking of which : because the leadership you get on level-up is a percentage of your current, whereas the Rage you get is a fixed value, you wish to always choose Rage against Leadership at the early levels and vice-versa later on. When exactly to switch is somewhat of an open question, but about 14-15k Leadership is probably just about right. [↩]A task made easy by how well they're hidden out there in the North of the Gray Wasteland. [↩]Such as for instance by temporarily switching to a Succubus-and-Dwarves outfit for a few dozen fights.

I think the she-devils have a lot of fun in the Snow-white role, even! [↩]If you already have it, it won't spawn naturally, just like in any Roguelike. But if you don't have it, and it spawns, you can then go get the fixed spawn and have two. It's worth having two. [↩]To overpower stacks you pile them up in your reserve, then visit a town, where you click the unit from your reserve to the town's garrison, and from the town's garrison to an empty slot in your inventory. Voila, you now have an overpowered (ie, above your maximum Leadership level) unit. [↩]Make sure you wear the ring, you need the extra 3 initiative like you need air. [↩]There's another one in Magic Valley just by the Great Forest entrance if you muck this one up for some reason, but it's less convenient. [↩]

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Category: Trolloludens

Thursday, 21 September, Year 9 d.Tr.

Kim Kardashian Cameleo

You perhaps remember the ass girl that didn't make nearly enough money ? No ? Well anyway.

She's been taking acting lessons, the poor dear, and they apparently were not wasted! In fact, she turned out so very receptive and talented that while the very most an accomplished actor such as Christopher Walken might aspire to would be a cameo appearance in some sordid failure of a footage pile, and that after many decades of honing both the craft and public perception, Kim Kardashian manages effortlessly nothing less than a bunch of cameleo appearances (in similarly forgettable contexts). Behold!

On the left side, Kim Kardashian appearing as a color-coordinated accessory to her daughter North by North West (Alfred Hitchcock). On the right side, Kim Kardashian fabulously fitting in as one of the camera crew in front of the camera crews.

On the left, Kim Kardashian telling it like it is at the anual "White Chicks Dig Barnes & Noble" chair-y-table event. On the right, Kim fitting in with Alfred at their joint wrapping party post North-by-Northwest.

On the left, Kim Kardashian fitting her fabulous beach bod right in with the speedboats. On the right, Kim Kardashian visits a VIP room on the Vegas strip.

In closing, let me point out that if you had half this glamorous girl's acting talent, you'd be going around looking like a nineteen inch LCD display. Peace out.

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Category: Rautati si Mizerii

Sunday, 03 September, Year 9 d.Tr.