Fear is our deepest and strongest emotion, and the one which best lends itself to the creation of nature-defying illusions. ~ H. P. Lovecraft

In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, Junior, what are you up to?" "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit. "Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish!" "Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a wolf. "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?" "I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves." "Are you crazy? Where's your academic honesty?" "Come with me and I'll show you." As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox. The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts.

In order to make PLANS for the WEEKEND...so that we can read RESTAURANT REVIEWS and decide to GO to that restaurant & then NEVER GO...so we can meet a FRIEND after work in a BAR and COMPLAIN about Interior Sect'y JAMES WATT until the SUBJECT is changed to NUCLEAR BLACKMAIL...and so our RELATIVES can FORCE us to listen to HOCKEY STATISTICS while we wait for them to LEAVE on the 7:48....

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

EPIGRAMS IN PROGRAMMING 71. Documentation is like term insurance: It satisfies because almost no one who subscribes to it depends on its benefits.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. -- George Carlin

Our way is peace. -- Septimus, the Son Worshiper, "Bread and Circuses", stardate 4040.7.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. ~ William Blake

Dear Miss Manners: I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of rain. May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection? This morning, I was waiting for a bus in comparative comfort, my umbrella protecting me from the downpour, and noticed an attractive young woman getting soaked. I have often seen her at my bus stop, although we have never spoken, and I don't even know her name. Could I have asked her to get under my umbrella without seeming insulting? Gentle Reader: Certainly. Consideration for those less fortunate than you is always proper, although it would be more convincing if you stopped babbling about how attractive she is. In order not to give Good Samaritanism a bad name, Miss Manners asks you to allow her two or three rainy days of unmolested protection before making your attack.

Jean-Luc Picard: [paraphrasing The Epic of Gilgamesh] Gilgamesh, a king. Gilgamesh, a king at Uruk. [metaphor about ancient Babylonian legends from Earth] He tormented his subjects. He made them angry. They cried out aloud: "Send us a companion for our king! Spare us from his madness!" Enkidu, a wild man from the forest, entered the city. They fought in the temple. They fought in the streets. Gilgamesh defeated Enkidu. They became great friends. Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk. Dathon: At Uruk. Jean-Luc Picard: The... the new friends went out into the desert together, where the Great Bull of Heaven was killing men by the hundreds. Enkidu caught the bull by the tail, Gilgamesh struck him with his sword. Dathon: Gilgamesh. Jean-Luc Picard: They were victorious. But... Enkidu fell to the ground, struck down by the gods; and Gilgamesh wept bitter tears, saying, "He who was my companion through adventure and hardship, [as Dathon dies] is gone forever." "Star Trek: The Next Generation: Darmok [5.2], Season 5"

I hope BOB doesn't come tonight. ~ Laura Palmer (The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, 22 July 1984. Palmer starting writing in her diary about the spirit of "Bob" (usually written as "BOB") appearing in the flesh exactly six months after his death on 21 January 1984. There is debate about whether this was actually J.R. "Bob" Dobbs or a doppelgänger. Or a bobbelgänger)

The proof-of-work chain is the solution to the synchronisation problem, and to knowing what the globally shared view is without having to trust anyone. -- Satoshi Nakamoto; Nov 9, 2008

Scotty: When are y'gonna get off that milk diet, lad? Chekov: This is vodka! Scotty: Where I come from, that's soda pop. Now, this is a drink for a man. Chekov: Scotch? Scotty: Aye. Chekov: It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad! "Star Trek: The Original Series: The Trouble With Tribbles, Season 2"

Debugging: The process of uncovering glitches by packaging prerelease software as finished products, then waiting for irate customers to report problems.

No one goes to that restaurant anymore-it's always too crowded. (attributed to Yogi Berra)

He has the word for to laugh.

Risk, to some, is a bad thing, because risk brings with it the possibility of failure. It might be only a temporary failure, but that doesnt matter so much if the very thought of it shuts you down. So, for some, risk comes to equal failure (take enough risks and sooner or later, you will fail). Risk is avoided because weve been trained to avoid failure. -- Seth Godin , Poke the Box

Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users, either. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom." The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!" But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet, in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delight to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure. But they cried the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to the rocks, making legends of a Saviour. -- Richard Bach