Question: How many IBM PR types does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: We'll have to get back to you on that.

As our society gets more complex and our people get more complacent, the role of the jester is more vital than ever before. Please stop sitting around. We need you to make a ruckus. -- Seth Godin , Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?

The cell, over the billions of years of her life, has covered the earth many times with her substance, found ways to control herself and her environment, and insure her survival. ~ Albert Claude

Destroy superabundance. Starve the flesh, shave the hair, clarify the mind, define the will, restrain the senses, leave the family, flee the church, kill the vermin,vomit the heart, forget the dead. Limit time, forgo amusement, deny nature, reject acquaintances, discard objects, forget truths, dissect myth, stop motion, block impulse, choke sobs, swallow chatter. Scorn joy, scorn touch, scorn tragedy, scorn liberty, scorn constancy, scorn hope, scorn exaltation, scorn reproduction, scorn variety, scorn embellishment, scorn release, scorn rest, scorn sweetness, scorn light. It's a question of form as much as function. It is a matter of revulsion. -- Jenny Holzer

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. -- Mitch Hedberg

Yo momma's like a tricycle, she's easy to ride.

Stress has been pinpointed as a major cause of illness. To avoid overload and burnout, keep stress out of your life. Give it to others instead. Learn the "Gaslight" treatment, the "Are you talking to me?" technique, and the "Do you feel okay? You look pale." approach. Start with negotiation and implication. Advance to manipulation and humiliation. Above all, relax and have a nice day.

We cannot be any stronger in our foreign policy for all the bombs and guns we may heap up in our arsenals than we are in the spirit which rules inside the country. Foreign policy, like a river, cannot rise above its source. ~ Adlai Stevenson

There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard

OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need four GALLONS of JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?

Welcome to Possum Creek. Where men are men... and Harold here is my nephew.

Hell is other people. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre

The most exquisite peak in culinary art is conquered when you do right by a ham, for a ham, in the very nature of the process it has undergone since last it walked on its own feet, combines in its flavor the tang of smoky autumnal woods, the maternal softness of earthy fields delivered of their crop children, the wineyness of a late sun, the intimate kiss of fertilizing rain, and the bite of fire. You must slice it thin, almost as thin as this page you hold in your hands. The making of a ham dinner, like the making of a gentleman, starts a long, long time before the event. -- W.B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham", from "Congress Eate It Up"

Whatever you say it is, it isn't. ~ Alfred Korzybski

I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well. -- Woodrow Wilson

Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition: 8. Keep count of your change

I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life savings in yeast!!

My interest is that there is a disconnect between the science and the size of the threat that people mention about nature, the planet and the climate, and the emotion that this triggers. So we are supposed to be extremely frightened people, but despite that we appear to sleep pretty well. ~ Bruno Latour

Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back! ~ J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Upon the hearth the fire is red, Beneath the roof there is a bed; But not yet weary are our feet, Still round the corner we may meet A sudden tree or standing stone That none have seen but we alone. Still round the corner there may wait Tree and flower and leaf and grass, A new road or a secret gate, Let them pass! Let them pass! And though we pass them by today Hill and water under sky, Tomorrow we may come this way Pass them by! Pass them by! And take the hidden paths that run Towards the Moon or to the Sun, Home is behind, the world ahead, Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe, And there are many paths to tread Let them go! Let them go! Through shadows to the edge of night, Sand and stone and pool and dell, Until the stars are all alight. Fare you well! Fare you well! Then world behind and home ahead, We'll wander back to home and bed. Mist and twilight, cloud and shade, Away shall fade! Away shall fade! Fire and lamp, and meat and bread, And then to bed! And then to bed! -- J. R. R. Tolkien