Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

It just doesn't seem right to go over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's condo.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me." -- J. R. R. Tolkien

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken

Beware of shearers, for where there is a flock there necessarily must be shepherds also to shear and devour it. -- Mikhail Bakunin, God and the State

I SAW THEIR STUNNING BODIES GO SLACK AND GET HAIR IN THE WRONG PLACES AND I VOWED I WOULD NOT PERMIT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME. -- Jenny Holzer

Everyone longs to be loved. And the greatest thing we can do is to let people know that they are loved and capable of loving. -- Fred Rogers

There is no such thing as an ugly woman -- there are only the ones who do not know how to make themselves attractive. -- Christian Dior

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

variation on an old theme a metadrama naked man: "i have no wings." clothed woman: "so i see." ~ Dick Higgins [NYC, Sept-Oct, 1985]

There was an incident, in 1912, which 'gave me a turn,' so to speak: when I brought the 'Nude Descending a Staircase' to the Independants, and they asked me to withdraw it before the opening. -- Marcel Duchamp

"Just look at us. Everything is backwards. Everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the major media destroy information, and religion destroys spirituality." - Michael Ellner

Blue potatoes are ungainly things As are red and purple lamb chops Yet when we eat and creep and fall We never ask a silent question ~ Racter (The Policeman’s Beard is Half Constructed)

If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.

To get power over is to defile. To possess is to defile. -- Simone Weil

Man has to awaken to wonder - and so perhaps do peoples. Science is a way of sending him to sleep again. ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

Worf: I've studied, and know everything about my heritage. William Riker: Then you're just the person I need to talk to too clear something up. William Riker: It's been my understanding that one of the duties of the First Officer of the Klingon vessel is to assassinate his Captain? Worf: Yes, sir. "Star Trek: The Next Generation: A Matter of Honor [2.8], Season 2"

Le plus fort n'est jamais assez fort pour tre toujours le matre, s'il ne transforme sa force en droit et l'obissance en devoir. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract

And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?

Freedom is not an ideal, it is not even a protection, if it means nothing more than freedom to stagnate, to live without dreams, to have no greater aim than a second car and another television set. ~ Adlai Stevenson