To forgive and forego (the ego)
To forgive the one who has destroyed is no easy feat. For to forgive a destroyer one must become the destroyer himself. He must be able to destroy his own weak and distraught nature, namely the shell of his broken self must give way to a new and improved self. The only way to do this successfully is to become a destroyer of illusion and destitution within himself. The cause of pain is irrelevant when a solution is imminent. When one forgives himself, he is essentially foregoing his punctured and fractured ego and merging it with the whole again. This is the essence of transmutation of hate into love and understanding the non duality of the whole.
The ego must be shattered and reassembled if proper transmutation is to occur. This is why the destroyer, Shiva or Set, is one of the most important aspects of transmutation on any given path. Although ego defines and forms a person, holding onto egos can be an anchor to change and transmutation, especially if one is holding onto painful feelings. How does one successfully remove the blind spot within his ego that clings to victim hood and loss when one has been wronged? One becomes the destroyer himself! The destroyer of illusion and all forms of depravity!
To truly forgive oneself or another, one must forego his false ego. It’s not easy to step down from one’s high horse or be dethroned by another in any form. The only way to recover one’s fall from grace is to remove the idea of grace altogether and replace it with underworld and chaos, ie the agent of change. Within the chaos of destruction, one gives up his ideas of right and wrong as he gives up his old thought patterns and false sense of self pride. Indeed he may have been wronged, yet holding onto the anger and disappointment only holds him back more. Hatred for the other only fuels a hated within himself. It is self defeating and a form of spinning on the hamster wheel. The only way to break the cycle of samsara is by reaching nirvana. Nirvana is the switch from light of illusion to nothingness of being. A spark ⚡️ that gives way to a forest fire where Self may rise anew on a blank slate of being.
The archetype of destroyer holds power whereas any form of victimhood is self defeating. While pain is a normal part of life, pain should never define a person lest that person fall into a trap of self depravity caused by victimhood. To be the destroyer one mustn’t become malevolent or avenging, for he is not destroying another directly but only indirectly destroying parts of himself. He discards and burns away all that held him in his trap of victimhood, namely his own perceptions and thought patterns of shame and loss burn to a crisp in the forest fire of soul and psyche. 
The prob with nostr is that you can’t delete your posts yet many posts simply vanish into thin air. It’s very discouraging
Glam Magick is when we dress up for no reason except to feel purely glamorous
Empyre state of mind
#grownostr #glammagick 
Out of Darkness Comes the Spark ⚡️
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything significant online and I do believe that an update is in order. Two years ago I plunged myself into the abyss—the sphere known as daath, or death, in the Qabalistic Tree of Life (oh the irony!). While I preserved a daily magickal journal as any novice is instructed to do, it was during the last stage of Daath that I completely abandoned writing altogether as I merged with the utter blackness of Lucifuge. Fortunately, the dark night of my soul is over (for the time being) as I transit from womb-man in her hermit stage to woman of the world. The puns and idioms are as endless as the wonders of sound and spoken word. I shall do my best to transcribe what occurred during my “leap of faith” into the dark night of my soul.
I suppose an introduction is necessary for those who do and don’t know me on a personal level. In January of 2022, I initiated myself into magick by reading Crowley’s Liber Serpentine. To be honest, I was less concerned with the tree of life which I believed I had mastered over thirty years of practicing the Buddhist and Sufi mysticism or so called “Butler Jihad.” Yet Butler Jihad is where I had seemingly plateaued on my gnostic path and all signs were pointing me towards Kosmic gnosis, Crowley and the sphere of Daath. So being the risk taker that I am, I invoked chronozon sometime in March 2022 and literally plunged myself into the chaos current known as Daath, the abyss, i.e. the dark night of the soul. I quickly discovered a dark feminine undercurrent known as Kaos Babalon within the chaotic 156 frequency. Kaos Babalon was anything but kind and merciful as she refined and retuned my solar plexus and melted my mutable mind.
During the first stage of Daath (there are three altogether hence 333 Chronozon frequency), the first dissolution of my ego occurred over a period of approximately 15 days after which I lost any prior insecurities or frivolities concerning my persona prior to Daath. The needy and clingy child emerged from the first state of chaos as a venomous vixen and I procured a daemonic beauty and a creative impulse demonstrated in my selfies and writings posted in several Facebook groups. I was documenting my ascent (or descent) into the depths of my very being and it was both exhausting and exhilarating. (Mind you there were bouts of mania followed by an oppressive depression which leads me to the second stage of the “dark night of the soul.” This lasted longer than the first stage (approximately a year or so)).
I was aware that my neuroses had to be conquered if I was to truly pass through Daath, yet I was still holding onto the illusion that I had transcended my depression a long time ago, namely in my late adolescence when I had become a bodhisattva and in my mid thirties when I had had a midlife crisis. I thought I had purged my crestfallen disposition in Christianity and that my self actalualization had occurred in Islam. I believed that I had conquered the internet trolls in the Poet Freaks website in 2015 via trickster reverse psychology. Essentially I had been riding a wave from 2015 onwards and nothing could have stopped me except Daath, where any preconceived notions of self or past become obsolete as mind and self awareness become more and more dissolved in the second stage of chronozon. I still retained some of my spiritual powers of insight and intuition during this point however any idea of self had completely dissipated and only raw emotion remained. I was no longer the cool and composed Christina as I became Etidorpha XI—a clandestine scarlet woman.
I was able to make sense of what was happening as I observed my former self as nothing but a projection of my mind. This was precisely the breakthrough moment when the spell was broken and the dissolution ceased as I regained a new and improved sense of self. I began to manifest at will and my astral powers increased tenfold. I was riding the tiger once again and experiencing the peak of my writing and selfie spree. I was Aphrodite in the flesh and I named myself my magickal name: Etidorpha XI. I became master magus and scarlet concubine reveling as my kundalini propelled in all directions: the centrifugal force of any dark priest’s compass. I communed and embodied the spirits of the Underworld as I ascended the spheres of Daath.
Then a form of shock therapy brought me back to my knees during the last and final stage of Daath which I mistakingly believed I had traversed during the previous second stage. I became less concerned with form or formalities as I abandoned my old thought patterns and became more concerned with function and results. By this time I was acquainted with chaos magick and I had the world at my fingertips as I flowed n synchronicity and in key; little did I know that Lucifuge was waiting around the corner for my final dissolution in chronozon. It was THE make it or break it moment. with Lucifuge: to persevere or be irrevocably obliterated in the absence of light and complete nothingness of being. Herein my spiritual powers left me, my sense of self and ambition were gone, any and all creative impulse abandoned me, i.e I was depleted and was vibrating on zero frequency. Everything I had believed to be true and all that I had acquired in my life thus far seemed trivial and obsolete as I painfully shed my snake skin and emerged anew.
I became the one and none. After the 3-4 month spell in the final stage of chronozon had broken, I was able to love and make peace with that which hated and despised for no duality existed post Lucifuge. My former anxiety and depression dissolved like salt in water. Now I can hear my inner self like never before. (There’s some regression as zero frequency can be so retrograding to the senses. My kundalini rising has resulted in some neurological damage to my shoulder as dormant phantasms have surfaced from my bowels and into my skeletal system. I plan on healing myself and am using visualization and yoga as a means. Back to square one as they say when one finds himself back on Malkuth all over again! (All is Mind, or is there more than meets the eye? )
I have never had a teacher on this path nor am I looking for one. Through self initiation I progress more and more. Oh teacher of Soul, teach so that thy Crone may know! 
“The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.”
Hail ✨HaTHOR ⚡️ 
There is no goal apart from self actualization ie ego death 💀
As ego death shakes vibrations in the aether,
The collective consciousness connects wavelengths from different dimensions.
Thoughts traveling at the speed of light ⚡️
Mass times acceleration squared makes much more sense.
Age of Whoris 🤩 
Dragón 🐉 energy 2024
Eminem kisses 😘 in the astral realm. I know he hears me.
Who are we?
What are we?
Where are we?
Stardust
Stardust
Star ⭐️ dust
G’day mates 
If your stalker stops stalking it’s because you’re boring.
The Spark ⚡️ of Life
It could have been different. He could have died in my arms that night and then what? I would have been permanently scarred mentally for the rest of my life. I would eventually have lost my mind simply by having to bear the future in nightmare mode. His death in my arms would have been my own yet his victory over death became my victory over insanity. I was at the peak of my crown chakra opening and I had been given several spiritual gifts only bestowed to dedicated mystics. Granted I was only 20 years old yet I considered myself an old soul and I had done more by twenty than most had done by fifty. I started partying early around twelve to be precise. By fourteen I had been plucked and by seventeen I had surpassed a double digit body count full of one night stands with drunken high school boys. At nineteen I became a celibate and practiced abstinence as a zen Buddhist discovering Christianity. Typical nineties girl I was a product of the times: a liberated female bodhisattva in an urban rat race. Then I smelled the putrid scent of society and disappeared for twenty long years. Now I’m back. Like Zeina I come to reclaim what’s mine before I let go of everything and disappear into the woods for good. I still have that spark and zest for life only I don’t have the wits to face the world head-on and so I retreat like a defeatist. Sometimes people wonder where I get all of my energy from yet right now I’m more depleted than ever so whatever energy I used it’s gone and now I’m broken and back to square one where this all started at twelve going on thirteen. It was 1989 and Sinead O’Connor had came out with her hit single, “Nothing Compares to You.” It was transfixing. It was poetry. It was soul. Keep the campfire burning, you never know who’s looking for a drum circle in the middle of the night. The campfire is where we find the sparks of life.
I dreamed again of Dickie Spencer and this time we French kissed 💋 as he gently fondled my left breast. Oooo warm and fuzzy 🥰 vibes from the astral realm this morning. Dragon 🐉 energy
Do you act differently when you know you’re being watched?