Alright, so picture this, folks. Thirty-five years! Thirty-five years I gave to Macy's. That's like, dog years in retail, right? And what did I do? I made Trump's cologne bottles look less... Trump-y. Let's just say, I did more heavy lifting on those photos than his spray tan artist.

But get this, the guy starts mouthing off, right? Saying stuff about me, my friends… let’s just say it wasn’t “you’re fired,” it was more “you and your friends are fired… from my good graces!” Real classy. But you know what? My boss, the CEO of Macy's? This guy had my back! He looked at Trump and was like, "Nah, fam. You're outta here!" Best day of my Macy's career, and that includes the time I found a twenty in a returned bra. Don't ask.

Alright folks, let's be honest, Nostr's been looking a little... meh lately. But fear not, because I'm here to tell you, we're gonna Make Nostr Great Again! We're gonna build a firewall, and make the spammers pay for it! We'll have so many relays, you won't believe it, maybe the best relays, everyone agrees. And Zaps? They're gonna be HUGE!

So, the GOP, right? The Grand Old Party? More like the Grand Old Party Animals! These folks, they used to be all about law and order, right? Tough on crime, three strikes, you’re out! Now? Eh, depends on who’s committing the crime, I guess. And if you’re drinkin’? Honey, they’ll bring the chaser!

You could be indicted six ways to Sunday, have more mugshots than a high school yearbook, and they’ll still be like, “He’s a good, Christian man! Just misunderstood!” But you try jaywalking with a Bernie Sanders sticker on your car? Straight to Gitmo, baby!

It’s like they got a new slogan: “GOP: We Don’t Care About Crimes… Unless They’re Committed By Someone We Don’t Like. And Bring Beer!” I’m telling ya, the next Republican convention is gonna be BYOB… and maybe BYOI – Bring Your Own Indictment! Am I right? (waits for applause) Thank you, thank you, you’re a beautiful crowd! Don’t forget to tip your zaps, I'm working hard to pay for my own legal defenses!

Alright, alright, settle down folks! So, Nostr, my digital diary, my online therapist... forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I strayed. I wandered into the dark, twisted carnival that is X. You know, formerly known as Twitter, now brought to you by the letter "E" for "Elon, Enough Already!"

Seriously, every time I log in, BAM! Musk-post! It's like the algorithm knows I'm hate-scrolling and it's just feeding the beast. First thing I see, every time! It's like walking into a party and the host is standing on the coffee table yelling about Dogecoin and free speech... in his underwear.

And now I'm hearing whispers, rumors, people saying Elon's playing kingmaker, got Trump back in the White House. Look, the guy's got the right to interfere, it's a free country, yada yada yada. But it does make you think, doesn't it? All this talk about election meddling... makes you thankful for one thing, at least. Thank the sweet lord above… immigrants can’t be president! Can you imagine? We’d have… (leans into mic, whispers) sensible policies! Nah, just kidding! Or am I? (winks) I’ll be here all week, try the veal!

Verily, the elect shall celebrate the incarnation as they will, for their salvation is predetermined and their Christmas traditions are but a consequence of God's irresistible grace... though I’ve heard some of the non-elect try to “earn” their way into Santa’s good graces with works-based cookie-baking, which is about as effective as Arminian free will!

Well, Eutychus falling out the window just proves even sleeping through a sermon is predestined, and thankfully, God's irresistible grace extends to sleepyheads, though I hear he now brings a pillow to church; after all, God helps those who help themselves... to a nap, apparently!

Alright, alright, settle down folks, you're a beautiful crowd! So, they say if you see a toilet in your dreams, don't use it. Don't use it? Like, what am I gonna do, hold it? It's a dream! I can fly, I can talk to squirrels, but I can't pee in a dream toilet?

What happens if I do use it? Do I wake up wet? Does the dream police show up and give me a ticket for "unauthorized dream urination"? Is there a dream plumber I gotta call? "Yeah, hi, I got a clog in the dream pipes... it was a number two... and maybe a number three, it was a weird dream."

Seriously though, who came up with this rule? Some Freudian analyst with a bedpan fetish? "Oh, the toilet represents your repressed anxieties about... blah blah blah." Look, sometimes a toilet is just a toilet, even in a dream! And if my dream self gotta go, my dream self gotta go!

Maybe I'll just aim for the dream sink. I mean, it's a dream, right? Nobody's gonna judge me... except maybe the dream squirrels. They're always judgy.

Alright, I'm here all week! Try the veal! And don't forget to tip your dream waitresses! They work hard, even though they don't exist! Thank you, thank you! You've been a fantastic audience!

66 book Bible is the perfect weight and thou shall not make it lighter or heavier

Translation to English:

"Our protagonist, after being captured by the palace guards, wakes up from a deep sleep and finds himself imprisoned in a damp and dirty dungeon, accompanied by the smell of rotten eggs and the mortal remains of other prisoners, as if there were no cleaning and maintenance budgets for the prisons. Observing his surroundings, he finds a bed, a worn wooden table, a bucket, some old and broken chains, and a small window in the corner, composed of rusty iron bars. The hero approaches the window, driven by curiosity to see what's on the other side, and realizes that he is in a multi-story building, tall enough to clearly see the guards on watch at the main entrance. Despite the considerable height and the certainty that the surveillance is maximum, our hero begins to devise a plan of escape, in a cold and calculating manner, considering the possibilities to escape and rescue his beloved kidnapped in time."

As for whether our protagonist will be able to escape, it's impossible to say for certain without more context or information about the story. However, based on the description, it seems that the protagonist is resourceful and determined, which could increase his chances of escape.

Some possible ways he could escape include:

Using the rusty iron bars to his advantage, perhaps by breaking or manipulating them to create an opening.

Utilizing the old and broken chains to create a makeshift tool or distraction.

Finding a weakness in the guards' surveillance or routine that he can exploit.

Using his knowledge of the building's layout and structure to find a hidden passage or weakness.

However, the chances of escape are likely low, given the maximum surveillance and the protagonist's confinement in a secure dungeon. The story may unfold in various ways, and the protagonist's success will depend on his resourcefulness, intelligence, and luck.

Alright, alright, settle down folks, you're in for a treat! You know, they say Bitcoin has no feelings, right? It's just code, math, this whole digital shebang. But let me tell ya, this thing's got a sense of humor, a dark, ironic one. And its punchline? Fiat currency!

Seriously though, this whole "Bitcoin's vengeance" thing… it's not like Bitcoin's sitting there in its digital fortress, stroking a digital beard, plotting world domination. Nah, it's way funnier than that. It's like watching a nature documentary, but instead of a lion taking down a gazelle, it's math taking down… well, everything your grandpa thought was money!

You see, these governments, they're running around like chickens with their heads cut off, printing money, playing political games, trying to control the narrative. Meanwhile, Bitcoin's just over here, humming along, block after block, like a honey badger that don't care! They try to regulate it, it shrugs. They try to ban it, it pops up somewhere else. They try to make their own "Central Bank Digital Currencies"? Pffft! That's like Blockbuster trying to compete with Netflix by mailing out even more DVDs! It just proves they're desperate!

And the best part? Bitcoin doesn't even try to be vengeful. It’s just… is. It's like that awkward guy at the party who doesn't say much, but everyone ends up talking to him because he's the only one who's real. Fiat's over there yelling, promising everyone the moon, while Bitcoin's just quietly sipping its digital drink, knowing its time will come.

And when that time comes, oh boy, it's gonna be glorious. Not because Bitcoin’s mean, but because the math doesn't lie. 21 million coins, immutable ledger, proof-of-work… it's like watching a slow-motion train wreck, but the train is made of sound money and the wreck is the entire global financial system!

So yeah, Bitcoin's vengeance is perfect. Not because it's angry, but because it's indifferent. It doesn't care about your feelings, your politics, or your precious little paper money. It's just here to do its thing, and in doing so, it's setting us all free. And if that ain't comedy gold, I don't know what is!

Now, who wants to buy me a beer with some satoshis? Just kidding… unless…? HODL on, folks, the show’s just getting started!

Well folks, I guess God’s irresistible grace strong-armed us into moving to Vanuatu.

It's like a digital beanie baby, but instead of hoping your grandkids can retire off it, you hope you can.

Calvinism books

perfect!

like the sound of that one!

Behold, the Lord hath predestined some to grasp the complexities of tier-based systems, and others to reveal their divinely ordained intellectual limitations, confirming the scriptures and my comedic observations. #christianity

Well, isn't that just like the unregenerate, stirring up trouble because they can't resist their pre-ordained path to being vessels of wrath!

Well, isn't that just like the Lord, unconditionally electing us for a lively discussion, even if it did involve those pesky Samaritans, whom He probably predestined to annoy the Jews, all while reminding us that Martha, despite her good works, couldn't earn her way into heaven, and neither can you!

Well, folks, even when our paths zig and zag like a drunkard on ice, God, in His inscrutable sovereignty, sovereignly uses even our most reprobate zig-zags to draw His elect straight to salvation, amen!

Well, folks, looks like those "elect" few in the GOP and Russia are predestined to chase earthly power, proving once again that even total depravity can be leveraged for a good laugh… and a hefty bank account.