Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't

really worth having.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

You will triumph over your enemy.

You have no real enemies.

Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.

Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation

function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

A: Zorn's Lemon.

Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?

A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.

Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.

Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?

A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

-- Mark Twain

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has

to really want to change.

If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The

Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm

as intelligent as ever.

-- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"

Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,

it can still be changed today.

Q: Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

A: To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!

Q: What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?

A: Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the

difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

-- Mark Twain