Rolling your eyes isn't going to help you find your brain.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
You hear that? It's the sound of me not caring.
Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
You know, you're just not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.
You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
You have a face that makes onions cry.
Have a nice day ... somewhere else.
You do realize we're just tolerating you, right?
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
It's really fun watching you try to understand everything that's being said about you.
You are even more useless than the 'ueue' in queue.
The real heroes in this world are the ones who have to live with you.
Somewhere out there a tree is producing oxygen for you. What a shame.
Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you're really abusing the privilege.
If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
I didn't mean to offend you … but I'll take it as an additional perk.
I don't want to rain on your parade. I want to summon a typhoon.
You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring … by leaving the room.
I didn't mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute.
I'd rather treat a baby's diaper rash than have lunch with you.
I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here's a participation award.
It's all about balance … you start talking, I stop listening.
You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles.
How many licks 'till I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
I'm listening. I just need a minute to process so much stupid information at once.
You are like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think "not now."
Don't worry … the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
It's impossible to underestimate you.
If I throw a stick, will you chase it? I really want out of this conversation.
You're the reason gene pools need lifeguards.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it's really doing the job.
The truth will set you free. You're the worst. OK, you're free to go.
Do you think your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right?
Give me a minute; I'm trying to think of an insult simple enough for you to understand!
I've heard a smarter statement come out in a fart.
I look at you and think … two billion years of evolution for this?
I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.
When I listen to you, I think you really are going to go far. I hope you stay there.
When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figure it's smart to give myself a head start.
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
I think you just need a high five … in the face … with a chair.
When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? And can you go back there?
When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his "to-do" list.
Everyone brings happiness to a room. I bring happiness when I walk in, and you bring happiness when you leave.
Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?
Accidents happen; the proof is reading this note!
And now ... out of this thread ...
