I’ve been tolerating Damus for its visually appealing color scheme. The user experience was terrible, but I suppose I’m accustomed to dealing with uncomfortable user interfaces. However, Primal appears more stable and user-friendly. What I fail to comprehend is why I don’t see any followers on this app. Perhaps I need some time to delve deeper into this mystery…

I've written 800 notes already? 💀

I'm testing Primal

I usually don’t listen to these kinds of songs often, but I believe they help me process my emotions. It feels like my unconscious self is crying along with her voice. I would say it’s cathartic. Not that I’m currently feeling sad, but there must be some unresolved sadness and frustration inside me because you can’t immediately process all the sadness and frustrations and disappointments that occur to you. Artistic works like these help us process those unresolved feelings, whether we realize it or not.

I used to be a serious night owl until I was in my early twenties. I absolutely loved spending time writing or listening to music during the nighttime because I couldn’t find any time to relax during the day for various reasons. Those hours were the only ones when I could completely escape the pressures of life. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ve reverted to those days tonight.

I’m going to play this song repeatedly to feel more relaxed. (Probably too dramatic for relaxation, though.....😅) https://youtu.be/llHY51P8qIo

My sleepless mind is churning out random ideas from the depths of my unconsciousness. Tonight’s concept is “cotton ceiling.” This is the most absurd concept I’ve encountered in the past three months. If I ever fall in love with someone who takes this concept seriously, I’ll either attempt suicide to end this tormenting love or shave my head and retreat to a nearby mountain to become a Buddhist monk.

I’m just going to babble a bit because I can’t sleep right now. There was a movie I watched in university years. It’s about a family of a lesbian couple who had a son and a daughter. The daughter starts wondering about her biological father and begins looking for him. As the story unfolds, it seems that the sperm donor could be a new part of the family. However, it becomes clear that family cannot be created solely by biological connections. The message of this movie may not resonate with people who value genetic connections in family, such as foster children seeking their biological parents after discovering adoption. Identity is crucial for individuals like them. Some people believe that biological connections are everything, while others think they don’t matter. I’m likely one of many people in the middle somewhere....

That being said, I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to have a child conceived with the sperm of a complete stranger. If I were a lesbian, my ultimate goal would be to reproduce a child with my own DNA and that of my partner, not with someone else’s. I know it may sound a bit extreme, but I believe genetics are crucial, and I don’t want to mix mine with someone I barely know. Isn’t that the whole point of marriage? We heterosexuals value marrying someone after getting to know them through dating, building a relationship, and getting to know their families. We spend a lot of time trying to create a strong family. And yet, we barely discuss this in a direct manner. The ultimate motivation behind this entire process is to increase the chances of successful reproduction and the transmission of our genes to the next generation. (Yes, I’ve been reading Sapiens today, if you noticed.) Considering this, it’s incredibly difficult for me to comprehend the significance of conceiving a child with the sperm of an outsider within my marriage. If I had the financial means, I would likely invest in synthetic genetics or something similar (if that’s even a thing).

Becoming a writer, however, became too easy as well. There are numerous individuals who claim to be writers after publishing mediocre and uninspired books of their own, leveraging their personal connections within publishing companies. While there have undoubtedly been many mediocre writers throughout history, the publishing technology was significantly less advanced compared to today. It’s a disheartening era to be an admirer of great writers.

As a psychology student, I’ve always admired great artists, especially writers, for their exceptional observational skills and remarkable ability to derive profound insights from those observations. However, it’s important to note that universities in this era don’t necessarily require students to possess such observation skills to major in psychology. While obtaining a psychology degree may indicate that students have mastered memorizing crucial concepts, designing surveys, and conducting statistical analysis, it doesn’t guarantee insightful thinking.

It wasn’t until I started working at a research firm that I understood the difference between data processing and the actual process of writing reports and generating insights from data. Specialized individuals, i.e. technicians or data scientists, have expertise in efficiently handling data. However, true insights don’t solely come from data; additional inputs are crucial. If I had more than five years of experience in that field, I could share more valuable insights based on my actual experiences. Unfortunately, my work experience is still quite limited. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Korean soldiers. 🪖

Sometimes, this scene spontaneously appears in my mind when I begin to relish the challenges I encounter.

Is it redundant to say “cheap pawn”? Perhaps. 🤔

Politics is never easy for anyone. I became a feminist with naïve hope that I could change the workplace where sexual harassment is prevalent. I wanted to learn how to express myself assertively to my boyfriend or spouse without sounding like a dependent person who lacks self-judgment and decision-making abilities. I became a feminist to learn how to navigate life as an independent person. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m proficient in politics. I was more interested in its philosophy. Becoming a skilled politician or even a person with political acumen is a different matter altogether. If you fail to understand this distinction, you may end up being a cheap pawn in power games.

As a liberal feminist, I’ve encountered this sentiment quite frequently from people around me. Because of some values I pursue as a feminist, I often received unfriendly responses from authority figures that don’t seem particularly hostile on the surface. However, due to their disguised friendliness, some individuals mistakenly believed that these figures are highly fond of me. It’s challenging to navigate the diverse social landscape as the sole person who truly understands my authentic self. Many young feminists I’ve met in my life fail to grasp the concept of ‘keeping your enemies close,’ a strategy employed by powerful individuals. They fail to comprehend that it’s more frightening to be ostensibly accepted by these powerful figures than to face criticism from them. They will eventually learn this lesson though.

I love her styling. 📌📌📌

She's only 160cm? I always assumed she was taller than that. It means I’m slightly taller than her. 😚

Should I develop one to add to my profile? I'm kidding. 😁

Personally, I’m against to share such information on social media, but based on my years of experience, I’ve come to realize that people desire for a particular diagnosis to recognize that I am also a human being. So, here’s one of the many diagnoses I have. Feel free to add it to your database and use it whenever you need. Unfortunately, I don't have a diagnosis for a mental illness, which prevents me from garnering sympathy from individuals who are quick to engage in cyber bullying whenever they encounter unfavorable viewpoints expressed in my posts.

By the way I’m experiencing diplopia when I try to move my eyes to the top right corner of my vision. I’ve often had occasional temporary strabismus whenever I felt tired, but this is the first time I’ve experienced diplopia as a result of strabismus. I’m trying to observe my symptoms to better understand my body. (The photos I took to capture the symptoms don’t look pretty… 🥺)