Want To Be A Secret Service Agent? Here Are The 12 Job Requirements https://t.co/NgpDL4Spos https://t.co/pGdrYI6STM 
Republicans Concerned As RNC Opens With Incantation to Cthulhu https://t.co/4MgtavY4uy https://t.co/fVuDFeKQRY 
Secret Service Reveals Head of Trump Security Was Chief Wiggum https://t.co/MTN2YQMTDn https://t.co/1giedyldxe 
Absolute Rebel Concertgoer Refuses To Put His Hands Together And Make Some Noise https://t.co/5Sum7zB4JL https://t.co/tQfnDwHDcQ 
Jesus Accused Of Being A Christian Nationalist After Saying He's Going To Establish His Kingdom Over The Whole Earth https://t.co/H2GyQi9lts https://t.co/hNPp5uCVTy 
In Lieu Of Raise, Pastor Given A Generous 3 Extra Hours Of Vacation https://t.co/ta7eJW1seu https://t.co/LNhzslDfyz 
'Welp, Nothing We Can Do Now,' Sighs Secret Service After Assassin Climbs On Modestly Sloped Roof https://t.co/qp6wgXFjRa https://t.co/83QEEnAKAq 
Nike Signs 82-Year-Old Ethel Jenkins To $12 Million Pickleball Endorsement Deal https://t.co/7YavV8pLSW https://t.co/WPVnTKx9mM 
Secret Service Director Assures Nation She Wasn't Trying To Get Trump Killed, She's Just Extremely Incompetent https://t.co/EbkfxwGrmm https://t.co/QcaiOepSPj 
Think Women Can't Do The Job? Here Are 12 Benefits Of Lady Secret Service Agents https://t.co/9W0yiIC0J5 https://t.co/hLFvkeaZOa 
How CNN Reported 7 Famous Assassinations Throughout History https://t.co/hL97tjh7jb https://t.co/fwk8474LRT 
Biden Condemns Menendez For Taking Bribes In Gold Rather Than Fungible Assets Laundered By 20 Different Shell Companies https://t.co/W3vsqvHjLv https://t.co/6OMWREvFSy 
Political Analysts Predict Winner Of The Presidential Race Will Probably Be The One Who Survives Till November https://t.co/r3YVr7wMES https://t.co/B7yA89UM2l 
FBI Arrests Air Force One Stairs For Plot To Assassinate Biden https://t.co/LSZc9bQnG2 https://t.co/AKAkq5g4Lm 
38-Year-Old Man Rushed To Hospital After Sleeping In A Slightly Weird Position https://t.co/bZIOoqOUSk https://t.co/PZjU9ReK3a 
Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election https://t.co/4Ef2siw9wU https://t.co/6ZoBlAAdgX 
Redneck Moron Doesn't Realize Social Justice Activists Changed The Definition Of Every Word Last Week https://t.co/WtQfEIIPdU https://t.co/xmPncw35Hn 
Gracious, Loving Wife Pretends She Hasn't Already Seen That Meme https://t.co/c83n2cCW4p https://t.co/UWhjbE1msr 
Scientists Warn That Within 6 Months Humanity Will Run Out Of Things To Call Racist https://t.co/h3pIhZDd4B https://t.co/QGOF1q5nkf 