FBI Tries To Distract From Old Trump Assassination Attempt With New Trump Assassination Attempt https://t.co/H69vSszFC4 https://t.co/CZJhZ6dRCj

Taylor Swift's Jet Seen Fleeing Site Of Trump Shooting https://t.co/QvwYakKcEL https://t.co/WrXMSz8WPt

Solomon Disappointed As Wife Saying 'Come, Taste My Choice Fruits' Actually Meant Apples From Garden https://t.co/obagP207Zw https://t.co/N9Cs9L4llc

‘We’re Republicans And We’re Voting For Kamala,’ Say Democrats https://t.co/M5jpVakGVY https://t.co/WUbA0RIbf2

Media Assures Americans That Migrants Haven’t Killed Any Cats, Just Women And Children https://t.co/GFgGzyqmZa https://t.co/MdP55qvrhl

10 Breakfast Cereals That Sound Like Mormons Swearing After Stepping On A Lego https://t.co/cOIua4HJ1C https://t.co/NXZX1BHg01

Man Getting That Sinking Feeling Wife Comparing Him To Boaz Again https://t.co/YdWpHc96Fj https://t.co/gXAVwjw97W

Breaking: If Elected Trump Promises To Create A Derogatory Slur For Canadians https://t.co/Dqx4x5Hsk3 https://t.co/o04TORUMOF

God Announces He Will Now Be Voiced By James Earl Jones https://t.co/5sbe6ex0Ju https://t.co/tRVvdDv6Ky

Report: Go To Church You Heathen https://t.co/BfNDwzlkyb https://t.co/hM9PK6C1LG

Blast From The Past: Remember That 'Joe' Guy? Whatever Happened To Him Anyway? https://t.co/ox3dGG3rWb https://t.co/jDw8K7w7yr

Americans Unanimously Agree To Vote For Whichever Candidate Stops Sending Them Campaign Donation Text Messages https://t.co/RyfImnGlcK https://t.co/SQNRxBTFIe

Charles Wesley Kicking Himself For Not Realizing He Could Just Repeat Worship Chorus 20 Times And Call It A Day https://t.co/pZZrjh5QK3 https://t.co/yfeevvT9JR

Home Depot Introduces 'Shame Alarm' That Blares If A Man Asks An Employee For Help https://t.co/Z1oEITnCnQ https://t.co/qdTTul3bzE

Ken Ham Hides On Second Floor Of Natural History Museum With Sniper Rifle Waiting For Someone To Say ‘Millions Of Years’ https://t.co/LI6ClQofoM https://t.co/Zo851FY9PZ

Harris Campaign Admits Tim Walz Was The Only Candidate That Answered Their Craigslist Ad https://t.co/lYLfycJLQD https://t.co/6LjtkFS2sa

Pope Challenges Jesus To Debate On Whether All Religions Lead To God https://t.co/S1fvxVV5a7 https://t.co/Bw1yqiFYI9

Sad: Woman Cuddled Up Watching Movie With Her Kids And Husband Completely Missing Out On Being Drunk At A Club Somewhere https://t.co/ZqZQrUoCL1 https://t.co/FYGjjmJv28

Bluey Reported Missing After Haitian Migrants Move In Next Door https://t.co/7Qv1d5f5LE https://t.co/FYuWtOtZup

Kamala Quietly Asks Aides If She Should Just Try Sleeping With The Economy https://t.co/FJsFNhs6Pd https://t.co/9g65bfgovM