A haircut stopped you from getting the biggest weapon of all time. That's cool.
"why does the military want me to cut my hair?"
To warn you.
"what if they look at my girl?"
Don't kill them.
"What if they are pregnant?"
Don't kill them.
"What is they are trans?"
Don't kill them.
"What if they have foreskin?"
Jesus fucking Christ
Don't kill people. It's really simple.
"you're being used by the computer"
I'm being used by the computer, not you. Logic.
"we were hoping you were a serial killer."
Why?
I almost killed my brother with pig shit, and fed goat turds to my friends sister. What secret are you looking for?
I can't remember the first time I had a Popsicle, but I can remember the first time I had two.
"you lost your virginity to the homecoming queen then married a virgin? You're braver than I thought."
I'm not asking for 72 virgins (granted an awesome name for a strain). From my experience, virgins are terrible at sex, and marriage.
If I was a billionaire I'd name my dog Jensen.
I've just upped my demands. I want a dog too.
A moron is 12 years old. An idiot is 3 years old.
"why do you need our help?"
Call it human nature.
"we fucked up, sorry."
That's besides the point. Rick's Pupil #12. Stat.
Do you know if a pan is hot before touching it? You might be a wizard.
So computronium is real?
You tell me.
"it's your job Sam"
No fucking shit.