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helplessduck
f766b971abee76c4578c62c0958568f33ef3b9dd8a9710e710afc2708c804184
Control issues and perfectionism are among my many neuroses. Twitter Diaspora. I swear a lot. I do drugs (the good kind). I'm a socialist. I studied art in school. Beyond that: US Politics, environmental conservation, mental health, organic gardening, and my employer Ramses, That Damn Cat. Sometimes I have really shitty takes. He/Him/Michael/Arrogant jackass. Header Image: Black Bar Avatar: Ridiculous DALL E generated artificial duck. Full #AltText description on pinned post.

Lemme tell you about Jeffrey, right?

7'8" tall.

Jet hair, hands and feet like tennis rackets. Pair of eyes that would smother you in molten gold. A tailored suit, and a smile that could win awards. (He actually did win awards for being so attractive. It became annoying.) Super annoying.

"You're getting a prize for being tall? Again?

Best part is -lights Newport 100- no one knows if it’ s joy or if it’s terror.

Neither do I!! They’re basically the same things! 🤗

Let's get this farm stand shit over with.

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MMMM.... Also really attractive men, regardless of which region.

That farm stand should hurry the damn hell up and get open. Now.

I need cucumbers.

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Which explains why I'm looking at a sea of waiters and not nary a cocktail shaker. Christ on drugs! Can we even get drugs here? Where are we!? Why have you brought us here?! I'm frightened.

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Doubling back, we're gonna go with no on the hatchets and hit the gas on the gambling.

Where in hell is that Blackjack table and the damn barkeep?

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Tell me what's behind the tent and then we can make a list of just what whomst has to lose.

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Do you have to chuck a hatchet at it?

Always thought that would be fun.

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It's not a bad gig. Sometimes I get to help folks stick it back to Big Insurance. That's always fun. Damn the man and all. 😆

Most people would call it mind-shreddingly boring. Not I! I am in my element with a stack of detailed, tedious paperwork and I ~will~ find every. Single. Mistake.

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*nodding emphatically, pounding fists on desk*

YES!

I have nothing against sausage; it just wouldn't be the first thing I reached for. Here stateside, we have Neese's sausage that's like being slapped about the face with a bunch of sage. It's delicious and would lend itself well to that dish.

NY Strip, sweet corn, potatoes, green beans, peaches, and apples for cookout this weekend: acquired.