Replying to Avatar Lyn Alden

I go to NYC several times per year for one reason or another. For work, for friends, etc.

Part of me likes it, but part of me gets fucking frustrated multiple times per day every time I am here. (Sorry, this is a Nostr Lyn post).

There are plenty of neat things in NYC that I can’t do at the same scale/quality elsewhere in the world due to the network effects around the city (broadway shows, financial district, etc), and yet after a day or two all I want to do is leave. It feels claustrophobic on multiple fronts.

People all have different vibes but for me, major cities are fun to visit but smaller secondary cities or suburbs around cities are so much smoother to live in. I can’t imagine living all the time in a major city.

The same applies to Cairo, to which I have been in far more total days than NYC. I like Cairo’s satellite cities but not Cairo itself other than going briefly.

Every time I am in a major city I am immediately reminded of the luxury of space, nature, quiet, parking spaces, and chillness of not being in a city. Everything I take for granted normally is now a luxury to fight for in a city.

Even politics are largely correlated to urbanization. If you live in rural or suburban areas, you likely drive around in your own car, you might have some land, etc. Your interaction with the local government exists in a moderate sense. The potential weakness is that you are more likely to always be around those who are similar to you, which minimizes your worldliness.

In contrast to all that, in major cities, everything is so tightly packed, and people rely on public transportation, and even a momentary lapse of government services (eg trash collection) becomes an acute catastrophe. But on the beneficial side, people are around those who are different than them more often, which breeds worldliness.

That’s why I tend to like the zone between rural and major cities. I like secondary cities or suburbs of major cities, because I get a bit of both worlds. The density and interconnectedness of major cities briefly, and the space and self-autonomy outside of them most of the time.

And yet I was born and raised in that sort of inbetween state, and so maybe it is just my upbringing.

What about you? Can anyone sell me the idea of NYC or other major cities that I am missing, especially in the remote work era? I see glimpses of how it could be attractive if you are used to it and know every detail of your neighborhood, but it really does feel limiting to me.

I have a close friend who has lived in NYC for the past decade. He’s fortunate to be part of an arts organization that is world-class, and he could only do his job in a handful of places on earth. However, I’ve noticed him harden over the years and cynicism take hold. It wears you down. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him express any small joys of being a New Yorker, only complaints and a tragic spiral of mid-curving his existence. He’ll break free eventually, and I look forward to that day.

I grew up 25-30min outside of another big city, Chicago. Kind of had the best of both worlds. Idyllic suburb, good upbringing, excellent schools, sheltered existence. But I was a short train ride into the city where I was able to experience some of the best cultural activities, and partake in them directly (orchestra).

I now live in the middle of a big city, that’s very diffuse: Phoenix. I get none of the same feelings as being back ‘home’ in Chicago. Maybe some limited cultural activities, but none of the vibe, energy and awe of great infrastructure and social connection.

My next move will almost certainly be to a ‘secondary city’, which gives you some critical mass, strong identity, and space. This seems much more attractive than the in-between state of suburbia, which lacks the identity part, which I miss.

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