I'm older than you. Fucking engage. figure out something you can get lost in, and do that, a lot. Bonus if it scores you money. Once you're actually engaged in something, then you can work out some of the details, but from a much better place. You'll be having fun, because you're engaged. You'll find others that are engaged too, and develop that sense of community. The rest of the stuff, like meaning, purpose, all just kind of falls into place if you're actively engaged. Fuck your motivation, just do. Don't worry about your identity, or what other people think about what is between your legs, because it doesn't fucking matter. You don't have an identity until you're engaged. That engagement molds you, allows you to take on your own shape that others might recognize. Until you do this, you will just be a grey blob, lost, unsure of yourself and your abilities. You aren't too disabled to work for others, that is bullshit cope. That is in your mind, because you're thinking of the others. You work for yourself. You engage for yourself, with yourself. Others come much later, and they will work for you.

Do.