I know what I like, doesn't mean it works or they like me back. These days I am looking for a genuine connection that isn't built on lies. I have been burned by my type and vice versa. After many years of self reflection and a substantial amount of inner shadow work, I understand the superficiality of what I am looking for doesnt overshadowed the persons character now. Every relationship I wanted them to like me, and often I would get lost in that, then get frustrated or burned. I believe it is super important to understand yourself as a person and value yourself as well before stepping into a relationship because of looks. Looks turn ugly quick if their heart is ugly. I know what I am attracted to is a lot different what is healthy for me. I used believe that most people people loved on the same level as me, but life challenged me in my belief with how I was operating life as well as how others operated life, and not all people are good people, they are just shiny people that can put on a show. I take each relationship as a learning lesson of how I can improve, be respectful, and treat the other person with dignity. I did some majorly stupid and naive things years ago, and those were some really hard hits. I also dealt with people who distorted my idea of love. I miss the innocence of it. Yes, I know what I like. I know what I am attracted to, but on a deeper level, can this next person be my best friend?

I don't settle because I know it is not fair to either of us. If you are not 100% in it, I will be hurt but we are more likely to remain friends than someone who doesn't communicate their needs. I respect honesty a lot, because I witness a lot of deception and gas lighting. I met so many people with people but their hearts didn't shine, and why be in a relationship if your heart doesn't .... to me that is death. I rather be alone than be with someone who had settled. If I can't make you smile with your whole soul, then I don't want it. And you can't fake it with me, because I feel it. I feel when you are disconnected, and I become detached.

I know that maybe the next relationship I get into may not be the forever one, maybe it is, but understanding eachothers needs, outlooks, and desires will determine if it is something meant for the long haul.

I can look at couples and say there they match, because they each check something off that is perfectly fitted. I know the feeling I am looking for and I can't describe that. I can only express it when it happens.

Maybe I do fall in love with a sexy 6ft tall brunette and we have amazing chemistry, but I need to see his heart in person first.

Sorry for the long note.