I WANTED TO BUILD A HOUSE

So I saved up for ten years and bought a vacant block of land.

Then paid $50,000 in stamp duty.

And another $28,000 in mortgage repayments whilst waiting to get planning approval.

For some reasons it took council 18 months to decide whether to let me build a house on the land that I owned.

Which is in a residential zone, by the way.

At first they said my fence was too green.

Then my windows were too low.

Then we needed to do a bushfire survey.

Then I had to get an ecology report.

Then I had to redesign the whole thing because they wouldn’t let me pull a tree down.

They promised the redesign would get approved.

But then they said I needed to consult with the local aboriginal tribe.

So I did that, and the aboriginals said my land was on sacred ground.

So now I’m not allowed to build there at all.

And I have to pay the aboriginals rent, plus a Sacred Site Maintenance Levy.

I try to sell the land, but nobody will buy it.

Interest rates double and I can’t afford to hold the land.

I skip a meal, and then another.

The aboriginals put my rent up.

Council puts my rates up.

I get charged a Vacancy Levy because I’ve failed to build a house on the land.

My job fires me because having too many white men working there is ‘bad for optics’.

Now I’m homeless and I have to camp on my vacant land.

But apparently this is illegal and the council fines me.

Sleeping outside makes me sick so I go to hospital.

The doctor says I need urgent treatment.

I can’t afford the treatment, and my Medicare Levy doesn’t cover it for some reason.

They offer me a Euthanasia Care Package as an alternative.

And I feel grateful to live in a first world nation with multiple health care options.

As they’re providing me with treatment, I wonder if the remining equity in my land will be enough to cover my Death Tax.