My dad’s finally getting his hearing tested, my mum’s deaf, and so even though the volume on everything he owns has gradually been cranked up to full over the last decade he’s refused before on the grounds of “your mum’s the deaf one”.

It has taken me pointing out that the rattling reverb when people talk to him on the phone is his case as the volume’s too high. “Oh, I thought it was quite quiet, I should get my hearing tested”