Ya man everyone's telling me gamma.... But I want the hex... But then they like if you get the hex might as well get the s9

I don't want this analysis paralyses. I want to mine with something that is silent, won't effect my energy bill, that I can learn in and out how to repair, that I can safely encourage friends and family to run also, and that has a resonable chance to win a block for now and the foreseeable future.... I know it's asking for a lot but I feel like a 1 or more miner does meet these standards if not exceed them.