I used both and run a homeserver for both. Both suck. Federated server solutions suck. Maintaining the server was a huge hassle and required a lot of system resources.
Using someone else's server would defeat the entire purpose.
XMPP and Matrix are two competing federated end-to-end encrypted messengers. XMPP is far better, on server cost decentralization, speed over Tor, degoogled push notifications, multi-identities, and overall privacy. So if Matrix is inferior centralized bloatware, why is it more popular? Especially among techies, who should in theory understand these concepts.
This brand new video gives a quick overview of the technical reasons that XMPP is the gold standard king of federation. And it briefly discusses how Matrix manages to push it’s agenda:
https://video.simplifiedprivacy.com/xmpp-vs-matrix-why-matrix-sucks/
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