"CNN, BBC and Fox News can confirm that underground torture ovens have been used by the Assad regime against Syrian pro-democracy activists, who were baked into lampshades and soap.
There are also unconfirmed reports of moderate anti-Shi'a rebels being subjected to shower gassings... Whether Zyklon B was the substance employed also remains unconfirmed as of this moment.
The new rulers of Syria, Al-Qaeda and ISIS liberals who have renounced head-chopping and church-burning but still enjoy the occasional Christmas tree removal, say that the number of victims killed in the Assad Ovens far exceed previously documented death tolls. They say that it could very well be over 6 million.
Free Syrians are indeed the Jews of our time.
CNN, BBC and Fox News decline taking questions on this groundbreaking story at this current juncture on the grounds that any and all inquiries are akin to antisemitism and Holocaust Denial."