according to the Bitcoin maxi creed, simple hodling is as close to zero risk as is possible.

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I’m a self proclaimed bitcoin maxi and I do not subscribe to this “creed.” Bitcoin has zero counterparty risk, but there are certainly risks (loss of keys, theft of keys, kyc/privacy, send to wrong address, exchange risks, 51% attack, etc). There are tools/methods to minimize these risks but it would be foolish to call anything zero risk. That said I will happily take the risk/reward of Bitcoin to anything else.