And realising this ( it happened this year for me) led me to be more honest. I don't really go through the world thinking people is evil and I am so virtuous.

By being sincere about my evilness and sense of despair I can observe my life properly and not judge. Ideas come clear, not fought over or denied.

And I get a much more clear path and direction in my life.

Otherwise I was just mental, dislocated, bent to the good side of me proving the world my goodness at all costs.

And I fell so much in debt by my words and promises and ideas. And I became like a politician of some sort parasiting and being parasited. Promising my goodness and judging evil doers.

And behind all that was my desire to manipulate, to own, to attain power, recognition, to punish, to tie, to make suffer.

It's now clear to me.

How do I know I'm not the villain of the story?

It also led me to be less ignorant and innocent around people.

I tended to gift my time, my words, my companionship, my stuff, to anyone.

I was so naive thinking we are all good because I am so so good that I can only relate through goodness.

I fell into those traps. People manipulated me, used me, and parasited me. It was the mirror in action.

Today I am more aware of the evil side of people. It's not the only thing there is, there is also good. I am careful with where and with whom I open myself sincerely.

I am much more reserved with my time and company. I don't speak openly about my ideas or plans. Neither of my feelings.

Cookoon mode. Life is crowded with fools. I'm one of them, so I will try to help myself

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Thanks for the note, good words. Sounds like learning and progress. Good for you. Off the top it inspires me to think.. humbly, honesty awareness thought curiosity and caring etc lead to learn progress and discovery..better places πŸ€™πŸ™

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Discussion

Thank you.

I think in the end is the pursuit of truth and sometimes it manifests ambiguously, Yin Yang. There is both sides and we don't really know from our perspective, it is so narrow and little. Recognising this without judging and condemning ourselves is a good favour of freedom we can do to our beings and to others. Because it gives us freedom of movement.

Trap ourselves in the good side of the story makes us fight a war constantly and exhaust our efforts. And the result is growing a larger shadow and finally becoming it. Snap to the other side in an outburst.

It is quite difficult to explain, I know this because it happened to me, I've seen it in action. And the thing is when you pay sincere attention, you start to see the manifestations of it in your life. So it begins to be clearer what you need to work on and nurture to create differently. You give to your dark side a place to exist in some order of time, space and action. For example you can become a monster at some sport or in a theatre, pursue your ambitions merciless, fuck banks stack sats, study how to impress and improve and attain power.

The twofold effect is you get to know your shadow better and you avoid being tricked and manipulated by pricks and evildoers. You know how to identify when people is casting their shadow upon you. When they have double and triple intentions. You see more clearly because it resonates with the parts of you that are there alive at the same frequency.

By killing or damping your own darkness you don't cure the wicked in others. It only makes you vulnerable.

Paraphrasing McKenna, we just don't know what we don't know and life is stranger than we can suppose. So staying humble and openminded is better

Sorry for the rant haha!