thanks for all the kind advice guys. turning a page on this finally.

for others in a similar boat now or in the future, things that have helped me process betrayal/anger:

1) the serenity prayer, observed twice daily

2) cold showers

3) 5km runs listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Street Survivors

4) DMT

5) friends who can keep a secret and don’t give a fuck about the law