Serious question: How can they "not steal it from you" when they know your BTC address and also your home address?

They know you have it, they know how much you have and they know where you live.

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I don't remember the key setup.. Lock me up if you must..

You can do that, but you can never move that BTC afterwards, else they know you lied and lock you away.

Does not seem that you understand that.

true 🤣