But the keys are in my mind and someone who knows, can try to force me to reveal them with a gun to my head or to the head of my family.

I know this may sound a bit paranoid (i live in a rather safe country and right now I have a shitty stack) but being ratted to local tax authorities does not seem so paranoid to me, and in any case, my question is if anyone has any tips on how to balance out the urge to discover btc to friends and family (people I care about) and the necesary caution you must have when doing self-custody

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They can try to do such things, but if they end your life, they gain nothing. A more realistic paranoia is something plenty of wealthy people deal with, ransom. Guns, and other self defense or security measures are important additions to any bitcoiner’s life.

Also, if you’re afraid of the tax man, it’s because you’re lying to the tax man. Pay your taxes and play by the rules.

Also, a “ransom” stack can be useful. A stack on a seed phrase you’re willing to hand over to save someone you love’s life, but is not your whole stack.