i think i finally may have figured out the main problem that was going on with #realy on my VPS...

it has a memory limiting setting that was set to 1gb and idk for what reason, it seemed to stall and get stuck, yet if i turned it down to the default, 250mb, it runs much better... mysterious runtime variables... probably would even be better to not mess with them but i figured put it there to hint to the GC to try and keep the pile small and sweep it in little bursts to help performance on low spec hardware... it probably doesn't matter making that value bigger on my dev box because it has 64gb of memory and it could garbage up a lot more than it probably is, but performance is much the same