What the hell is that?

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Australian shingleback lizard, also known as a sleepy lizard

Is he poisonous or is he not gonna bug you?

They can bite but they aren’t venomous and generally won’t bother you.

There are lots of lizards where I am but nothing like that. In fact when I woke up this morning, I had a new roommate. Nothing here is poisonous and they don’t usually want anything to do with humans except this one apparently.