when i say i'm #neurodivergent, THIS is what i mean. these are the results of a series of brain tests i underwent when i was 28.

they show that i'm very intelligent, but i easily forget what i'm told, my attention span is quite short, and i'm slow to make decisions.

a normally developed person would have scores that are much closer to 50% on a test like this. the scores are percentiles. if you score 5% on something, you're 1 in 20 people in a bad way. if you score 95%, you're 1 in 20 people in a good way.

these tests, which took an entire day, were what my psychiatrist used as the basis for my #ADHD diagnosis in my late 30s. i turned 40 this year, so it came pretty late.

somewhat paradoxically, i got a high executive function score. you're not supposed to have high executive function when you have ADHD.

but i think this is explained by the fact that they're not testing your real-life executive function, only your ability to solve a puzzle in a lab. they can't test your life management skills, which is the most important part. getting and keeping friends, jobs and romantic partners serve as a good test of that, however, and i have always struggled there.

i'm not too interested in speaking to any more doctors about this or trying any more medications, because they can't really do anything about the things i really care about, such as serving a purpose, and having real-life friends and a life partner.

considering the above, and going by the theory of "opposites attract", i should be married to someone who is very plain but very organised, so she can "run the business" while i "entertain the guests".