There is no false equivalence. You can pretend there is, but I will continue to explain how there is not. Perhaps you should go into more detail about this delusional "false equivalence" idea so I can go into detail about how you're wrong.
Lightning payments are still not Bitcoin payments, and Bitcoin doesn't work "in real time" if by that you mean instantly.
It's not paper gold, it's lightning. It's equivalent to paper gold because in both cases it's an attempt to represent the value of an underlying asset with more speed and efficiency than transporting the underlying asset itself, and in both cases, the proponents use it to control sheep (almost everyone) by employing gaslighting and other manipulative psychological techniques to try to brainwash people into viewing the connection as a sacred link upheld by the laws of god and nature, making the representation the same as the thing itself.