they don't want to hear the truth because the truth scares them. they want to believe their own fantasies about me. I tell them that I'm in the final stretch between heaven and hell and they think they're better than the man who has walked with me through it.

sorry but nobody is better than him. he exists in The Entire World and not just this little bubble. I offer them the chance to just BE in my life as a part of my support system but they want to BE the support system, though they cannot comprehend the system.

they tell me things like, "there are soooo many beautiful women in this city, why you?" great question. it's because I've proven myself inside and out tysm. that alone took many, many years.

what's the point of proving it to these little men anyway? what part of my fate do they hold in their hands except this tiny moment before I cross the Rubicon?

these things are too big for some people and I have accepted that. it reminds me so much of how my own family reacted, and how it took them YEARS to just accept that I'm not going to be the version of me they only want to see. that's not my problem though, is it?

but this is the nature of men: no matter who they are up against, they all want to win. I'm ok with that, but it's hard to explain to men that they're not winning because somebody else has already won the biggest prize: my heart.

I don't care if that sounds stupid. they say shit like, "you could get murdered." sorry but I don't think God would have brought me this far just to get murdered by a man. they say I'm deceiving myself. no. you're just not a fraction of the man he is and you can't handle it.

get over it.