*** shitpost alert *** #mtb #bikestr #shitposting

It's no secret that the best mountain bike trails are often illegal. While we don't really see ourselves as criminals, every now and then we play a cat and mouse game with the officers of law. In theory we're faster but they have an element of surprise going on for them. Yesterday, however, it was I who was playing the detective.

I was walking up my trail, doing some minor repairs when I saw a squished piece of shit in the middle of the trail. Naturally I took a closer look at it and saw very clear tyre marks going all the way across it. As any true mountainbiker would, I immediately said to myself: huh, I wonder if I can guess the tyre from the marks?

While it's true that there are hundreds of different mtb specific tyres on the market, each with its own patented tread that is the grippiest and fastest of them all, in reality there's only two brands that take majority of the market. And each of them has about two or three treads that are designed for everyday conditions, with some more used in special conditions (i. e. mud) which only racers are using.

So it shouldn't be that difficult really:

- it's clearly not maxxis asegai, that one has 3-2 pattern (3 knobs in one row, 2 knobs in next row), compared to 2-2 pattern visible on the shit

- maxxis dhf has 2-2 pattern, but the knobs are not shaped like this

- maxxis dhr2 is close, but the third shit row (below A) looks like another A and is not similar to B as one would expect

- continental kryptotal front: nope, see asegai explanation above

- continental kryptotal rear: A and B knob shapes match, and instead of second A row it has a slight variation of A row, let's call it C, which explains the shit pic - it's a match!

Moral of the story: whoever designed the kryptotal rear tyre, has clearly encrypted a secret message into the tyre pattern that can be seen imprinted in all sorts of shit in your local forest. Maybe that's how it got its name?