how long are ephemeral events stored on nostr relays? fixed time or until it's requested once?

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Some relays only pass them along to existing subscriptions. Others store in memory for about 1 minute or so.

Strfry is 5 mins which I think is the longest

In the docs

# Ephemeral events will be deleted from the DB when older than this

ephemeralEventsLifetimeSeconds = 300

https://github.com/hoytech/strfry/blob/master/strfry.conf

The nip defines them such that they don't get stored at all. Only delivered to connected clients that want them.

10 minutes by default on strfry. You can change it to whatever.

this is more of a hack, it shouldn’t store it at all

Just drop it if the relay restarts?

its an ephemeral event, the spec says it should not be stored.

What does "store" mean? Why does the spec care?

On the Internet you can only assume that your friends will accidentally forget things, and your enemies will remember them forever

so that people don’t start building on implementation specific quirks like fetching ephemeral notes after a short time. Hopefully strfry doesn’t allow that.

I don't know what "store" means. Are ephemeral events not queryable? That's a lot more specific