Yeah, I think docker has its perks. It makes it easy to deploy stuff and all. It's also great if you are running a VPS with multiple services and you don't want to deal with those services conflicting with each other.

That said, I just think that a relay that's designed for small groups should be as simple and straightforward as possible. Not relying on docker for deployment could reduce the maintenance overhead and headaches while troubleshooting.

There are bunch of relays out there but most of them are in the very early stages of development. I think most relays use either one of the three: nostr-rs-relay, strfry or nostream.

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What is stopping me from running a relay that has code to whitelist other relays like you could on mastodon?

Is the idea relays don’t talk to each other so unlike mastodon you can just move to other relays

Yes. Relays are small, individual island content. Though there are some relays that try to link content to and from other relays, the protocol spec explicitly stated that relays shouldn't talk to each other.

Nostr is a heavy client, thin server type of thing. The relays are just that, relays. They store notes and send it back to anyone who requests it.