I've been trying to do this as well. I thought the best way would be through relays that publish the kinds of community they want to foster.

But I haven't found any that can or do publish "community preferences" as out lined in NIP 11: https://github.com/nostr-protocol/nips/blob/master/11.md#community-preferences

But I'm building https://relay.guide so that if that day comes you can search by that. Right now you can only search by features supported and paid or not.