i am in the midst of doom

i was blissfully struggling to achieve my mission of finding accommodation on this blessed isle for my former sponsor of my work on indra, and a week ago i learned there was not the one more month for my efforts coming in

my money and supply of food run out at the end of this week, i need to start begging for my supper at this point. i am squeezing a whole day of food costs out of about 6 euros at this point, but i'm gonna have to pay rent and utilities at some point... the rent can be dodged for maybe 2 months and then it must be dealt with thereafter.

i'm working on the cryptography/keychain part of a decentralised git project, and i have behind me a heap of work i did developing indra, a decentralised VPN/paywall protocol.

i am putting v1.1.0 for signr, the signature handling for the git project to bed today, but i just found out i need to also support ecdsa signing on PBSTs to anchor commits to the chain...

so, to keep the momentum going forward i need to come up with a way to present my part of the project with geyser - it's essentially a cryptographic wallet/authentication library and CLI for working with nostr and bitcoin signatures, and there will also be git integration to enable git signature verification of commits.

it's such a disparate set of things it's difficult for me to put it in one box, and i'm right at the edge of the project, i'm only communicating with the lead dev on it, and not anyone else in the rest of the team.

i'm not in a position to do very many other things than fighting for my life here working as a bitcoin/ln/nostr dev, the only other alternative is begging in a tourist district on an atlantic island on the edge of the EU...

the bitcoin conference featured the president of this territory talking about fostering the development of bitcoin tech here, and i've got all sorts of ideas gained from struggling with transport here, it's a total mess and i think nostr/bitcoin/lightning combined could form the base of a unified logistics system for transport here.

but that is another level even higher than begging via nostr and geyser and other crowdfunds to get enough for me to be able to keep working and not running around like a chicken with my head chopped off not being able to do any programming work at all, probably not even being online for this.

i dunno even how to start working out a solution at this point, it's such a giant mess and the doom suddenly went from a 6 weeks in the future to a week from now last week, and i lost my nana in the process, did an angry walk for a full 40km in one day on mostly steep slopes, and i'm still struggling to recover my feet to manage more than 12km in a day, and yet if i don't get more money coming in this week i'm gonna have to be able to walk that 20km and go sleep on park benches and beg and meditate because there's not gonna be any way for me to power my gear let alone maintain an internet connection after my current one expires in a bit over 2 weeks.