you say this but it seems like a relay deleting someone from it also removes the DMs the person sent?

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I write to 8 relays currently. That's probably too much but you see the point? If one of them deletes my DMs it doesn't matter

and when all 8 of them do because you have unpopular views?

Run my own relay then. But it's hardly likely, unless the guy is posting CP

He definitely is not posting CP, I think you don't understand how censorship happy nostr is.