Ever had the brain scan thing where they try to get a scan whilst having a seizure?
Having a rough night. Saw the telephone pole I hit with my car today ( https://cumberland.crimewatchpa.com/nmiddletontwppd/14259/post/reportable-crash-vehicle-utility-pole ). Realizing how I could have died. Don’t think I’ve ever been so close when having had a seizure.
Feel like I’m putting this on Nostr because I feel alone and can’t keep talking to my mom about it.
I’m exhausted. I tried so hard to smile today. Never had so many people before tell me how glad they are I’m not hurt or worse, but it’s that same look I’ve seen for the past ten years after having had a seizure. Like I’m a different person than I was.
Don’t mean to complain. Not asking for zaps, reactions, or reposts. I just need to get out of my head is all.
Sometimes I look at my stack and think, “what am I doing this for? Why do I get up in the morning? Why do I go to work.
I’m not gonna do anything. Promise. I came to a point years ago that suicide is for cowards. I’ll die when God is ready for me.
Just don’t know what I’m doing… feeling lost.
Discussion
I’ve had plenty of brain scans. EEG’s and MRI’s. Blood tests. Had a CAT scan after the wreck from this last one. I hate doing them now. Makes me feel like I’m half-human.
Friend did all that shit for years and no driving for 15 years or something. Then they took him off meds whilst doing the scan to try and induce seizure. Identified small thing, had a surgery and is seizure free. I think he wrote a blog about it. Will look after dinner
Can’t find it. Pinged him but he’s in Spain so prolly asleep
https://likeaholeintheheadblog.wordpress.com/from-the-beginning/
There you go. Might help to read others’ experiences as much as anything else. Hope it helps