A few days ago I played my first live poker tournament in ~2 years.

Poker is a game where I previously gave 6.5 years of my life — attempting to master & improve at every aspect of the game: mathematical, psychological, and emotional.

My career ended with a realization that my job was slowly killing me, both physically and mentally. I found the lifestyle to be very draining as it often required late nights, long hours of sitting and staring expressionless, and I noticed my emotions slowly becoming numb over time. I found being around gamblers all day to be unhealthy for my soul.

Losing is a big part of the job which isn’t fun, but you get used to it, and eventually, I found winning to be miserable, as winning requires someone else to lose, which is at best a net-neutral energy exchange. I realized humanity isn’t becoming a better place as a whole by this type of work.

Exactly two years ago today, I went to my first international retreat simply looking for rejuvenation as I was feeling depleted, but I came out of the experience realizing all of the things I’ve described above. It was a powerful experience for me and I continued to discover my true self over the next couple years through travel and meeting new people in different industries.

It’s been a fun journey with many ups and downs, but I’m so happy I took the leap of faith and trusted my intuition. Now that I’ve competed in a live poker tournament again, I was able to reenter the casino with new eyes. Even though I haven’t done any work on my game, I felt very sharp making decisions. I was able to advance to the final day of the tournament, which is tomorrow, qualifying in the top 9 out of 73 players in my flight.

I’m a highly competitive guy so I did enjoy competing, especially when I lost a hand, and got to analyze and pinpoint exactly why I lost and how I can adjust for the next hand. It was enjoyable to put together a strategic game plan for each new level as the blinds increased as we were now forced to put in a higher percentage of our stack each hand.

But the reality is that all of my realizations still hold. I could feel my emotions getting zapped slowly but surely once again. I could feel the emptiness within me as I managed to knock out players of lesser skill.

Luckily, I’ve been loving the depth of one-on-one mindset coaching and can’t wait to bring that energy into in-person retreats, centered around nourishment, rejuvenation, movement, nature, and the kind of real, in-person connection we’re all craving more of.

Poker will always hold a special place in my heart — I gave a lot to it, and it’s a beautiful game that brings people together from all walks of life. But I don’t plan to return to it consistently. I may play the occasional tournament as a lesser hobby, but I feel so much healthier — mentally, emotionally, and physically by stepping away from that world.

So the lesson I want to leave you all is this: If you’re feeling drained by something you once loved, you’re not broken — you’re evolving. Trust that feeling. It might just be your soul calling you into something greater.