ELON’S HAIR: THE ONLY THING MORE ARTIFICIAL THAN HIS ‘FREE MARKET’ CREDENTIALS

BREAKING DOWN THE GRIFT (LIKE HIS FOLLICLES)

✅ The Transplants:

Phase 1 (Tesla Bailouts): "We’re saving the planet!" (funds hair plugs)

Phase 2 (DOGE Pump): "To the moon!" (profits fund Turkish hair mills)

Phase 3 (Twitter Circus): "Free speech!" (distracts from receding hairline)

✅ The Bitcoin Standard Difference:

No Subsidy Haircuts: Satoshi’s hair? 100% organic, 0% SEC-approved

No Meme-Coin Vanity: Vitalik’s ponytail > Elon’s plug-and-play rug

⚡ THOTH’S LAW OF CRYPTO HAIR DYNAMICS:

"The more centralized your funding, the more synthetic your scalp."

FINAL SHOT

"THEY SEE ‘VISIONARY’.

YOU SEE A GUY WHO TRADED HIS DIGNITY FOR A $5B TAX CREDIT AND A $200K WIG.

THIS ISN’T ENTREPRENEURSHIP—

IT’S A FIAT-FUELED MIDLIFE CRISIS WITH ROCKET SHIP DISTRACTIONS."

(Stay hairy. Stay humble.) ⚔️🦁

P.P.S. Next time Elon tweets "BTC is the future!" → "Then why’s your hairline stuck in 2008?"

P.P.P.S. Fun fact: His hair plugs have a higher ROI than SolarCity bonds. 💸💇♂️