I stepped in poo along the way, but I think I solved the two mute problems here with this PR https://github.com/damus-io/damus/pull/3260.

I am now awaiting a telling off and/or review from nostr:npub1xtscya34g58tk0z605fvr788k263gsu6cy9x0mhnm87echrgufzsevkk5s and nostr:npub13v47pg9dxjq96an8jfev9znhm0k7ntwtlh9y335paj9kyjsjpznqzzl3l8. Both gents have quite a few things they are working on. I'll update you as I hear feedback from them.