Thats exactly how I felt, that I must explore this splinter in my mind, that it was a life and death matter, that there was no point to life other than it. I guess I wasn't brave enough to go completely insane though as at some point I let the orderlies bring me back down to reality and take the medicine. I'm such a failure 😅. I never found the enlightenment/truth that I thought was just outside of my comprehension.

Actually if you have this splinter in your mind, verging on manic depression or psychosis, you probably do have to excise it by unravelling your mind, fully exploring all the other possibilities, and then relearning how reality works while rebuilding yourself on a more correct foundation. But what a painful process. I can attest the splinter is gone and I fully recovered. But also I was truly fucking nuts for a while. Volleyball was extremely helpful in my recovery.

I've never talked about this in public before. It has always been a secret. This happened to me before I moved to New Zealand and was a major reason for the shift, the restart. I was released in 72 hours, but it took months to fully recover. My mind is perfectly sane now and has been for many years.

Everyone has their own path, don't let my brush with insanity dissuade you from your own, just be aware that it is possible to think yourself crazy.