What is the MOST secure Lightning server/distro/application? On chain fees are getting absurd, and cash app/strike/kraken support lightning now.

I want something that I can power on, transfer, backup, and shut off.

I'm thinking about BtcPayServer, or start9.

And yes, I know how to write a backup script.

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It's getting expensive pulling my Bitcoin off the exchanges (plus strike for example only allows 1000$ of Bitcoin per day, otherwise I would do one big transaction), so I'm thinking about using self-hosted lightning.

lightning requires having something online all the time. so there's no real turning it off if you wanna use it.

Well the only time I use it is when I pull it off exchanges, but maybe nodes will close the channels if I am offline for too long?

absolutely. plus when turning it on, before it can be used, it needs to download the new understanding of the graih from its peers. similar to downloading the new blocks that you missed while your Bitcoin node was offline.

lastly, it's a security risk. if you don't turn it on at least every two weeks (by default) then someone could close the channel you have with them using an old state, potentially stealing your funds.

Well what I'm trying to do is make an alternative to cold storage, for when fees are high (like right now). I could even use my work pc, which is on each week, of which I control the backups.

lightning is not cold storage. pretty much the opposite.