You can *ask* relays to delete notes

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Yeah and it always works for me. Saying you can't delete anything on nostr is simply wrong. I expect all free relays will eventually auto-delete notes after a timeout period.

It’s a best effort kind of thing. Some clients don’t support deletion.

You think it worked because you see it gone from your client but it’s a different story with all the relays and clients out there.

I tested it pretty hard this week. I know it works.

Ooooooooookay

Also, client support is just a UI thing. Whether you are shown a delete button. Actual support happens on the relay side. What do they do when they receive a delete request?

how do I find that time out?

It's a hypothetical setting on the relay back end so...ask your relay...🤷